Tag Archives: military significant others

4 Threats to Your Military Marriage and How to Fix Them

As a military spouse and professional counselor, my favorite thing is seeing military couples build a great marriage. In a lifestyle that is constantly changing and stressful, it is difficult to stay connected and thriving. Deployments, long work hours, and other types of separations interfere with family time and couple time. Experiences from deployment can often change the way a couples relate and handle stress.

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Here are some common topics I hear from military couples in my counseling office, and suggestions I offer:

Our schedule makes it difficult to find time for each other.
A healthy marriage needs regular face-to-face time to keep a couple connected.  Over time, the relationship can become more shoulder-to-shoulder, especially when children come along. It is imperative that you are intentional with the limited amount of time that you do have. Plan at least one uninterrupted ‘date’ each week (in advance) where all surface talk will be set aside. Commit to making your time positive. Refrain from resolving major conflict and be protective of these moments. Commit this time to encourage and build each other up rather than fixing problems.

Also, set boundaries at work when possible. Leave when they say you can leave, and set an example for your colleagues on investing in your family. Even if you feel your marriage has become more “back-to-back,” make intentional time to look each other in the eye. You will be surprised how quickly your spark comes back.

We have grown apart after frequent separations.
Needing our spouse often gets a bad rap, as if it somehow makes us actually “needy.” The truth is, couples get married because their spouse adds something of value to their life. Take them away, and something will be missing. You have powerful influence into your spouse’s self-confidence and sense of value. Much of that happens when there is a place for them in the home and the relationship.

After many separations, couples grow used to having separate lives, which causes conflict or a quiet distance between them. Starting a new pattern will be difficult, as the spouse at home relinquishes control and the service member tries to re-engage. It is not an issue of who does it better, but whether you feel you are a team. Although this isn’t true in every case, men typically understand love through feeling respected, while women do through emotional connection. Talk about sharing more responsibilities shoulder-to-shoulder, as well as meeting needs that are more intimate.

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My service member’s traumatic experience in the military has changed us as a couple.
Anytime life hands us something unexpected, it creates an opportunity to grow and change as a couple. If your spouse has been through something traumatic, professional help for one, or both, of you may be necessary. Many spouses struggle with resentment and anger that professional counseling will help with.  Flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance behavior, and irritability makes any couple feel they’ve been robbed of the relationship they had before. There are treatments available that lessen current anxiety and help manage the memories that often surface.

Support in your community will also be important for both of you. Consider looking into groups of other spouses who are in your situation, as well as other veterans or battle buddies, if you are a service member.

My spouse refuses to go to counseling with me.
It takes two to work on a marriage. Having goals and working on them together will set you on a path to grow and mature as a couple. If your spouse is not ready, or is resistant to marriage counseling, consider going on your own. Working on your own personal goals and learning healthy boundaries will ensure that you are making healthy decisions during a difficult time. The hardest part of marriage is having no control over the choices your spouse makes. Sometimes, when your spouse sees you growing and making changes, it will trigger them to want to grow as well.

If the problem is getting your service member help off the installation, make an appointment for marriage counseling as the dependent, and have your service member join you. This helps with avoiding any red tape that could slow the process down for them.

I believe marriage is the greatest asset we have as military couples. It offers stability to a lifestyle of uncertainty. When we invest intentionally, it becomes a “home” that never changes, a safe place when times are difficult. Your marriage should always be growing, with new goals and ways to improve. Commit to creating opportunities for face-to-face time and make it a priority. You have great influence in breathing new hope and life into your spouse.

My motto? Start simply, but simply start.

What ways do you put effort in to your military marriage?

corie-weathers-headshotPosted by Corie Weathers, LPC, 2015 Armed Forces Ins. Military Spouse of the Year and host of Lifegiver Military Spouse Podcast

Meet the Best Military Spouse Photographers of 2016!

Last year, NMFA ran a promotion hoping to pair up fabulous military spouse photographers with families who deserved some family photos to cherish. These photographers volunteered to share their time and talents, and were eager to send us the best shots from their photo sessions.

Here at NMFA, we are proud to support military spouses as they chase their dreams. This contest gave us an opportunity to celebrate the talent found within our communities, and we hope next time you need a photographer, you check this list to hire a military spouse in your area!

Photo Contest Photographers

April Kroenke Portland, OR: April Kroenke Photography

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April Kroenke is an international award winning photographer who is recognized for the experience she creates for her portrait clients. She specializes in modern lifestyle portraits that tell the story of her clients through connection, expression, personality, and the surrounding environment. April’s passion is in creating beautiful works of art and a wonderful experiences for her clients. She looks forward to telling your story!

Find her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest.

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Ashley Langtry Brunswick, ME: Ashley Langtry Photography

View More: http://ashleylangtry.pass.us/kellyfamily

Ashley Langtry specializes in baby and lifestyle photography. Her site says “I am painfully awkward, but equally awesome. I am an aspiring gypsy, lover of all things whimsical, and mama to two little crazies. I am hopelessly optimistic, believer in romance, hugger of trees, and lover of a US Navy Sailor. I try to design a photo, as well as document a moment. When people hire me to photograph for them, they are hiring me because someone they love is on the other side of my lens. For me, it is an honor to capture that love for them.”

Find her on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Google+.

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Athena Plichta Naples, Italy: Athena Plichta Photography

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Athena is a food, lifestyle, and travel photographer currently based in southern Italy.

Find her on Instagram.

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Cindy Corcoran Newport, RI: Ellie Lynn Photography

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Cindy is a lifestyle photographer, specializing in portraits for families, children, couples, military members, seniors, and special occasions. Memories are only but a moment captured in time and she loves to capture real people living their real lives.

Find her on Facebook.

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Danielle McCown Lakenheath, England: Danielle McCown Photography

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Danielle has a beautiful natural style, and is wonderful with children and families.

Find her on Facebook.

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Emily Grace Fort Rucker, AL: Emily Grace Photography

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Emily says it best: “What photographs are you passing on to your kids’ kids? Instagram selfies? (No way!) Stop thinking you have to look a certain way to be photographed! You are you, and that’s beautiful. Don’t believe me? Ask your kids. Ask your spouse. Ask your neighbor. Ask me.”

Find her on Facebook and Instagram.

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Judith Lovett Atlanta, GA: Judith Lovett, Photographer

Judith loves to take portraits that tell a story.

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Find her on Facebook.

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Julie Rivera El Paso, TX: Julie Rivera Photography

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Julie has a message for you: “Your life, at this very minute, is enough. I want to show you the majesty in between the highlights. The day-to-day that is the very essence of your child’s childhood. I want you to see that everything you do is more than enough: it is the life of your family. And it is tremendous!”

Julie is not currently taking new clients, but you can see her work on Facebook and Instagram

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Kathryn Bailey Hessen, Germany: LittleB Memories

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“A toothless grin. A newborn snuggle. Tiny arms around your neck. Moments like these happen far too fast. Portraits bring those memories back long after those little ones have left the house. LittleB Memories is a place where that magic is treasured; I capture the times you value the most, so you can relive your favorite moments again and again for years to come.”

Find her on Facebook.

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Meagan Drew Monterrey, CA: Momma Mea Photography

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Meagan strives to capture moments for you and your loved ones just as a Momma would see them!

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Michelle St.Clergy Fort Polk, LA: Chaque Bonne Memoire Photography

Chaque Bonne Memoire means “Every Good Memory.” And that is exactly Michelle’s mission: to ensure each moment, each facial expression, and each journey that you take us on with you is left with an everlasting good memory.

Find her on Facebook and Instagram.

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Nichole Glover Fort Gordon, Ga: Glover Images

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Nicole specializes in family photography.

Find her on Facebook.

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Robyn Mroszczyk Huntsville, AL: Vanderport Designs 

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Robyn Mroszczyk is a natural-light photographer who specializes in family, maternity, and children sessions. She is a military spouse to her high school sweetheart, and they have two boys who keep her busy. Robyn believes in affordable photography so that everyone can have special moments captured and displayed. When she is not doing photography, Robyn is an Accredited Financial Counselor, where she assists transitioning Service members preparing for a deployment, redeploying, retirement, and everything in between. Her sense of humor, patience, and ability to make a fool of herself have served the photography world for the last four years. Robyn looks forward to creating memories in the Huntsville area until the fall when her family will move to Washington D.C.

Find her on Facebook and Etsy.

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Rosie Suerdieck Colorado Springs, CO: Reflections by Rosie

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Rosie is a wife, mother of four, cuddler of her Lab and Jack Russell, and momma to 10 chickens. “Life is an adventure, and I take it on. I specialize in high school senior portraiture for the fashionable girl, and mentor fellow photographers on how to be better businesswomen.”

Find her on Facebook and Instagram.

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Sarah Case Washington, DC: Tiny Sparrow Photography

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Sarah’s intention as a photographer is simple: “When time has erased all the details — of the long stretches of sleepless nights, small meltdowns, first words and first steps — what I hope will remain are the beautifully captured moments and timeless photographs I have created for you — that we’ve collaborated on together.”

Find her on Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter.

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Stefanie Adams-Figueroa Ramstein, Germany: Wunderkind Photography

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…because they’re only this little once…

Find Stephanie on Facebook.

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MilSpouse PhotographerWhy choose a military spouse photographer? These entrepreneurs have set up their businesses again and again at each new duty station. Many photographers build their business through word of mouth, and when you move every 2-3 years, it isn’t easy.

We are proud to be able to promote these photographers as a special “thank you” for the time and service they donated to their communities this year! Help us encourage these spouses  by hiring one in your area next time you need family photos taken. This is an investment you won’t regret!

Interested in being featured on NMFA as a military spouse photographer? Our family photo contest runs each spring, and pairs hardworking photographers with military families for a special photo session. If you’d like to hear more about the program and donate a photo session to a deserving family while building your business at your current duty station, fill out this form.

Bloom Where You’re Planted…With Little Commitment!

During my 10+ year journey as a military spouse, I have tried to keep the old adage, “bloom where you’re planted,” as my personal motto. And believe me, I have been planted in some places I never thought I would be. As a girl from the Pacific Northwest, it can be pretty crazy to try to set down roots in Central Texas, Southern Oklahoma, or most recently, Western Louisiana.

What has been the most surprising is how trying to bloom where we’re planted has provided experiences and opportunities I never would have dreamed about. I have learned the only way to really flourish in a place that is foreign to me is to put myself out there and get to know the area AND the people who are there with us.

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My journey as a military spouse truly began when I joined my husband in Ft. Hood when he redeployed from Iraq. We had been married for over a year and a half, but it was the first time we were going to be able to start our life together.

However, I had no experience with the military lifestyle, so I did what I knew how to do: I got a job and established a routine with my husband. I wasn’t involved with an FRG, any unit functions, or anything having to do with the Army at all. I was very isolated from the people and things that were part of my husband’s career.

After another deployment to Iraq, we found ourselves in Fort Sill, Oklahoma. I left my job to move, we had a baby on the way, and I had NO IDEA what to do. I realized if we were really going to do this ‘military thing’ for the rest of our lives, I better learn more about it. I started taking classes at Army Community Services (ACS), and when the classes were over, I realized I liked the ladies who worked there so much, I started to volunteer. I joined the Spouses’ Club, because some of the spouses I met volunteering at ACS were members, too. I started attending fitness classes on Post, and once my son was born, I went to every playgroup I could find.

A lot of the same people were popping up in many of the groups I was involved with; people who were going through the same thing I was–trying to build a life on this crazy military journey. And sometimes we don’t have the time or opportunity to work outside the home, but we still crave the personal connection with other adults. During our almost four years at Fort Sill, I met some of the most wonderful people I have ever known and truly created life-long friendships.

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We left Fort Sill for Washington D.C., where my husband spent almost 4 years between Capitol Hill and the Pentagon. We were not in a traditional unit and did not live on any of the Posts in the area. We found ourselves very separated from military life…again. After welcoming our daughter, it was time to find some connection with our military life. I decided to go to work at a non-profit supporting military families. That job gave me the personal relationships and friendships I had been missing. And luckily, I was able to work with a few other military wives who gave me the connection to military life I had been missing.

The time came for us to move on to new orders. We left Washington D.C., and I left my job and friends to move to Fort Polk, Louisiana; a new place, with new people. I will need to really push myself, put myself out there to meet some other moms, spouses, and friends to connect with. I am going to use what I learned during our time at Fort Sill to try to find the people who I mesh with.

I have met a few ladies from our unit and talk to the other moms at our daughter’s gymnastics class. I plan on joining the Spouses’ Club, too. With my husband preparing to join a unit already in Afghanistan, I know my ability to get involved with a lot of things will have to wait, but I am going to grab the little moments in daily life to try to bloom where I have been planted.

How do you get involved with military life without much commitment? Share it with us in the comments!

mandy-culverPosted by Mandy Culver, Army Spouse and National Military Family Association Volunteer

5 Tips for the Military Significant Other

You’re dating a service member.

I know, I know–the uniform really helps. But now that you’ve met your special someone, what can you expect from military life? You don’t have a military ID (and can’t get on to most bases), you aren’t the next-of-kin to get info during deployments, and you’re not getting the warmest welcome from the spouses of your significant other’s co-workers. How can you support your significant other when the military doesn’t recognize you as anyone important?

Well, for starters, you are important! Every military spouse started where you did, and for every salty spouse who doesn’t extend the warmest welcome, there are plenty more who’d love to get to know you and answer questions you might have. Your service member needs your unwavering support while they focus on their mission!

But sometimes it’s hard to get involved with military life when you’re not really “allowed…” (I’ve been there, I know how it feels). What do you do next?

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Here are some tips:

Have your service member talk to his or her command Family Readiness Officer, Ombudsman, or FRG Leader. It’s often common for significant others to be added to email lists while a unit is deployed. Your significant other can ask to have you added to those phone trees and email lists. They can sometimes have you attend pre-deployment briefings, too. You may even receive the same materials at the deployment briefing that the spouses receive. The only difference between you and a spouse is a ring and a marriage certificate; you both support the mission and the service member.

Find a support group online. One of my closest MilSpouse friends, Dani, found herself alone and unsure of what to do next when her boyfriend (now husband) was deployed to Afghanistan. She lived in a town where there wasn’t a huge military community, and she didn’t have access to any other military spouses to guide her. Looking for advice, comfort, and support, she found groups on Facebook, started blogging, and found other military spouse bloggers (like me!) to connect with. Don’t underestimate social media, but beware of the haters–they will be waiting…

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Accept that military life will never make 100% sense all the time…and it certainly won’t be fair. I hated hearing people say I was “issued” to my significant other, and I either needed to get on board and roll with the punches, or hit the road. I quickly learned that missed birthdays, 24 hour watch billets, barracks checks, and new orders weren’t exactly going to make my relationship easier. But as soon as I accepted that military life isn’t always fair, it allowed me to start appreciating the time with my service member more than I had before.

Find great information from military family support organizations! I might be tooting my own horn here, but the National Military Family Association prides itself on strengthening the ones who stand behind the uniform. And yes, that’s you, significant other. Our team of experts is here to provide you with news, information, and guidance on issues surrounding military life. Everything you might want to know–from TRICARE to Post-9/11 GI bill info to PCS moves–can be found on our website, MilitaryFamily.org.

Subscribe to this blog! You’ll get all the important information about the in’s and out’s of issues affecting military families from our website, but if you want the real-deal, nitty-gritty stories from the homefront, this blog is where you want to be. We’ve got advice on how to Survive and Thrive at specific military bases, how to win at Military Balls, and even how to fill out a US Postal Service customs form to send your love a care package. If it’s anything about your military life, it’s here!

Being a military boyfriend or girlfriend is a special time and a special honor. It’s something your civilian friends just don’t fully understand; but there are plenty of ways to connect, learn about military life, and be as supportive as any spouse. If you have questions, feel free to leave a comment, or engage with us on our social media channels!

Are you a military significant other? What has been the hardest thing for you to overcome?

shannonPosted by Shannon Prentice, Content Development Manager

Best Songs for Deployments: And the Award Goes to…

I’ve heard that music is both deeply healing and personal to some people. I’d agree with that, especially because I’m one of those people. I associate songs with memorable times in my life, and frequently use music to change my mood. My favorite songs come from the best times in my life. And I’m not embarrassed to say most of them are from the late 90’s and early 2000’s. I’ll admit it: I probably peaked in high school.

I’ve had music playlists for just about everything; working out, road trips, driving to the beach, driving home from the beach, girls night out, breakups, being in love, getting hyped before a game. You name it, I’d make a playlist. Then I’d turn them into CD’s, which I still play in my car to this day. (Take that, technology!)

No surprise, the playlists continued into military life. A few years ago, I had a pretty fun little playlist to get me through my husband’s deployment. I still love most of those songs, but I’ve got a different perspective now, and a better song selection, I think. And I’ve put them into a few categories that might speak to your life as you face a deployment of your own.

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Best song to play during Week One of deployment: “Soldier,” by Gavin DeGraw
It’s ironic that Gavin DeGraw sings this song in the rain, because that’s basically what week one of deployment is like for many military spouses: lots of face rain (crying). Let this song remind you to be strong for your service member and your family. It’s okay to be sad, but know you’re going to get through it.

Keep this lyric handy: My aim is so true, I wanna show you, I’ll try forever. I’m never gonna say ‘surrender.’

Best song to sing while drinking wine with your deployment buddy: “Hold On,” by Wilson Phillips
Sometimes, we just need to take it back to the 90’s girl band awesomeness. Sing your little heart out with your deployment bestie and pat yourself on the back for being one more day closer to your spouse coming home. Just hold on for one more day (see what I did there?). And because I feel like it’s a crime not to mention these two, honorable mention goes to “Tell It To My Heart,” by Taylor Dayne, and “Say My Name,” by Destiny’s Child.

Keep this lyric handy: Yeah, I know that there is pain, but you hold on for one more day, and you break free, break from the chains.

Best song to send to your service member: “Bring It On Home,” by Little Big Town
Your loved one needs your unconditional encouragement and support during every moment of their deployment. Some days, they might be homesick. Other days, they’re mission-focused and distant. This song is the perfect way to say “I love you and support you. I’m keeping the home-fire burning.” Cue all the feels.

Keep this lyric handy: When your long day is over, and you can barely drag your feet. The weight of the world is on your shoulders, I know what you need. Bring it on home to me.

Best song to blast when you’re sick of this deployment: “Riot,” by Three Days Grace
I know we’ve all had those moments when we’d give anything to bring our spouse home RIGHT NOW. The kids are out of control, the dryer just broke, and we can’t clone ourselves. Channel that frustration and blast this in your minivan. Just don’t actually start a riot, and maybe cover your kids’ ears when you listen to this song.

Keep this lyric handy: If you feel so angry, so ripped up, so stepped on, you’re not the only one refusing to back down. You’re not the only one.

Best song when you’re missing your love: “Fall,” by Clay Walker
It’s bound to happen: your heart is aching and you just want to roll over in bed and put your arm around your bae. Nothing would make the day better than to be wrapped up in their arms, safe from the world. This song is the perfect reminder that marriage is a partnership, and even though deployment is tough, you can get through it by leaning on each other for strength.

Keep this lyric handy: Go on and fall apart, fall into these arms of mine. I’ll catch you every time you fall. Go on and lose it all, every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear. I’m right here, baby fall.

Best song to remind you why you stand behind the uniform: “Star Spangled Banner,” sang by Whitney Houston at Super Bowl XXV, 1991
Some spouses may be decades into military life, others may not even be married yet, but it’s easy to forget why we support our significant others. Day-to-day schedules overwhelm us, and commissaries, base gate checks, and long waits at the pharmacies just don’t give you the warm and fuzzies of American pride. But let me tell you: when you need a gut check, Whitney Houston delivers. And this emotionally charged version of the National Anthem will renew your drive to be proud and supportive during the rest of this deployment.

What are some of your favorite songs to get you through a deployment? Share them with us!

shannonPosted by Shannon Prentice, Content Development Manager

Meeting Your Significant Other’s Family: 5 Tips to Nail It This Holiday Season

It’s new. It’s scary.

No, I’m not talking about that new fancy TV remote control your boyfriend has with all those buttons that you aren’t really sure what to do with. I’m talking about when you make it to the point in your relationship when spending the holidays with your significant other’s (SO) family becomes a reality.

For my boyfriend and I made the decision to start splitting holidays two years ago. We spend Thanksgiving down south with my parents, and the land of delicious snacks for the winter holidays with his folks. So far, so good, but I would be lying if I didn’t say there have been some growing pains along the way.

Navigating other families’ holiday traditions while not feeling like an outsider can take some time. But I’ve picked up a few nuggets of wisdom that may help ease the transition so you don’t feel like you need to reach for that extra glass of eggnog, or whiskey…or eggnog whiskey.

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Don’t show up empty handed
My mom taught me this from a young age, and I think it should apply to any visit you make. Sometimes money can be tight though, so don’t forget about the appeal of homemade gift (cookies can go a long way!). If you have a few extra bucks to spend, but don’t know what to get, think local. A bag of coffee from a local coffee house where you live, or maybe a beer or wine that they can’t get where they live. Try hitting up your local farmers or flea market to find something unique. The more thoughtful you are with your gift, the more meaningful it will be to your SO’s parents, especially if it’s the first time you are meeting.

Offer to help
In the kitchen, with any last minute decorating, etc. Although you may feel uncomfortable leaving your SO’s side, put yourself out there and offer to help clean up the dishes, or set the table. You never know when something so small could mean so much. You’re a guest in their home, and it may feel weird for them to have someone new there, so be sure to offer to help. And use it as a chance to chit chat and get to know each other! But keep this next tip in mind…

Avoid controversial topics
As with the first two points, this is also something good to keep in mind all the time–not just a trip to your SO’s hometown. This doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion, but try to avoid any political or religious debates during your visit. The holidays should be a time for happiness and togetherness, not time for you and Uncle Jerry to get into a spitting match over why so-and-so is a moron (even if said so-and-so probably is).

Befriend the pets
Any pets they may have are a part of their family, so you can help win your way to their heart by making friends. If, for some reason, you aren’t the biggest fan of pets, don’t sweat it, just be kind and courteous, and never be rude. Talk to your SO beforehand, too, in case you have allergies. Dying of anaphylactic shock upon your first meeting will definitely be memorable–but we don’t want that for you.

Talk to your SO beforehand
If you are having any anxiety about visiting for the holidays, have a conversation with your partner about what is causing the anxiety. Is it just being somewhere new? Are you worried about small talk? Ask for advice on things to talk about before you get there to help avoid any awkward silences. And if they happen, embrace them. They are probably just as nervous as you, so take a breath, enjoy, and don’t take yourself too seriously. We’re human, after all.

Happy Holidays!

What are your tips for meeting your significant other’s family? Have a crazy ‘first-meeting’ story? Leave us a comment and share!

Jordan-BarrishPosted by Jordan Barrish, Public Relations Manager

5 Tips to Connect with LGBTQ in Your Military Community

My wife, Vanessa, is an Army veteran. When we met, she had already served and returned to civilian life, but she’s thinking of enlisting again, soon. And for me, I need information; I needed to know what my life would look like if my wife joins again. I googled my little heart out, but I saw little of what I was looking for.

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I noticed there weren’t many blogs or voices from lesbians in the military, so I created a website and blog to create a positive place online for lesbian military spouses; a space I might need if I become a military spouse, too. I also wanted to create acceptance for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in the military. Creating this space online was a way to honor my wife as a veteran, because when she did serve, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) was still in effect. DADT made it hard for her to have a relationship and live her life the way she wanted. I’m thankful she was single when we met after she got out of the Army. It’s only been a few months since same-sex marriage was made legal, but not all LGBT military personnel may be publicly open about their personal lives. And that’s okay. 

What does same-sex marriage mean for your military family? Embracing change may be the simple answer. Today, more than 71,000 service members identify with the LGBT community, and it’s common to have an LGBT person serving military families. Same-sex marriage creates a chance for everyone to be proactive and treat families in military units or on bases with an open heart, regardless of their sexual orientation or self-identity. 

I’m passionate about writing, and I love that I can blog and create a positive place for LGBT military service members online. I want to use my voice to help military families see LGBT service members are people with families, too. It’s important to respect others and treat them as you want to be treated.

Here are 5 tips to get you engage and help you connect with LGBT within your military community:

1) Acknowledge everyone. Greet and introduce yourself to everyone in the room. When inviting people over, or to an event, use the term ‘spouse’ instead of wife, or husband, to be inclusive.

2) Be friendly and welcoming. This is an easy one: just be yourself. Ask questions about their life, and talk about yours. It’s always nice to feel welcomed and acknowledged, and who knows, you might make a friend in the process!

3) Be an ally. Invite co-workers, spouses, and significant others to events. Some LGBT military personnel join the military because their own families might not support them for being who they are. See if they need help with something, or just need a friend to talk to. Being an ally for someone who is LGBT is being someone who shows up and is tough, but gentle when needed.

4) Support equality and find common ground. The LGBT community is a great place to start! Educate yourself about the diversification of gender and sexuality so you can understand the range a person can identify as.

5) Be courageous and speak up. Learn what terms means within the LGBT community, and tell others who might not know. If someone starts a joke about being gay or transgender, let them know it’s offensive. Today, 7 in 10 Americans have close friends or relatives who are gay. By speaking against homophobia and transphobia, you support those in the LGBT community. You can make a huge impact on how others treat LGBT people in the future by engaging with others and talking about LGBT friends.

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LGBT relationships are no different than straight relationships: two people in love with each other. The repeal of the DADT made it legal for any person, regardless of sexual orientation, to openly serve in the military. But LGBT families need continued support from straight allies. That’s why I think it’s important to be part of this open-minded, open-hearted movement within your military community. At the root of everything, we are all human beings with families, who love and want be loved.

The more you know about LGBT families the easier it will be for you to interact and introduce yourself within your military communities. It can be very intimidating or nerve racking being new to the military community as a military spouse whether you are in a straight relationship or same-sex relationship.

How have you connected with the LGBT community in your military life?

norine holguinPosted by Norine Holguin, creator of Lesbian Army Wife, and OMG Lesbian Army Wife Blog