Let’s face it, divorce sucks! It doesn’t matter how you got there, but the feeling once you are there is isolating and unsettling. It wasn’t my goal. I wanted to live happily ever after. I’m not a terrible person and neither is he, but our marriage ended and maneuvering through the wreckage has been challenging for all of us. Divorce tends to lend itself to rumors and whispers, so I’d like to share a few things divorcees would like you to know.
We want and need our friends.
We don’t want to make you choose. Many of you were close to our family. It’s awkward and uncomfortable – we get it. Your kind words, support, and comfort during an impossibly rough time means so much to us. The late night chats and occasional afternoon lunches are so valuable. We still love you and need you. Please don’t be afraid to hang in there for us. Our situation may have changed, but we haven’t!
We love our kids.
Sometimes divorce is perceived as a selfish choice. It may seem like our happiness is more important than our kids, but I can promise you our kids are our priority. Always! We did not want divorce for our kids. We did not want the hurt and extra challenges, but it happened and we are doing our best to help them through it. Our kids have lived the military lifestyle – they are resilient. Divorce is hard, but with our love and support they will get through it.
Divorce is not contagious.
Please don’t think that your friendship with us with result in the demise of your own marriage. We are not anti-marriage. We actually love it and dreamed that only death would end our own. We don’t try to break up happy couples or go after married men or women. We’ve heard it all and feel the need to set the record straight. Our marriages may have ended, but we support yours!
No matter the circumstances, we feel like we’ve failed.
There isn’t a day that goes by where we don’t wonder if we could have done something more or something different. Divorce is not a prize or a goal – it’s often just a sad reality. We look at our kids, at ourselves, at our friends, at our parents, and feel like, in some way, we’ve let them all down. We are fighters and we will work through it, but it’s a challenge that will stay will us until the end.
Whether you are married, single, or divorced, I think we can agree that life can sometimes be a lonely road. Be there for each other no matter what. I’m not sure how I would have made it through the last two years without my family and friends. Divorce still sucks, but I’ve learned from it and look forward to the next chapter.
Do you have something you’d add to this list? Share it with us.