We’re deep in the throes of peak PCS season, and the energy among the military spouses around me is electric. Facebook groups for spouses are lighting up with questions about which side of town is best, which cable company to use, and which school their little ones should go to. Some have even found their new neighbors through a very scientific experiment called Seven Degrees of Separation.
Then there’s me.
Still here. Not moving. Saying goodbye to friends. Seeing the start of another crazy adventure for those receiving new orders. And it feels lonely.
I willed myself back to reality, knowing our orders would be coming down the pipe in another year, but in the meantime, I couldn’t help but think about whether anyone else ever felt this way?
Left behind. Alone and disconnected, even in the midst of a flood of new people, new adventures, and new possibilities.
So, I decided to make a list of things I could do to make the most of someone else’s PCS.
Meet Your New Neighbor
Whether you live on post, or out in town, you’re bound to see the moving truck roll around this summer. And even if you’re feeling lonely because a friend moved away, take this chance to introduce yourself to the new family in your neighborhood. This seems like a no-brainer, but I’m constantly reminding myself of this. I’d previously been shot down when I walked over on move-in day and introduced myself to my own new neighbors; they said hello, but have never spoken to me since. And that’s okay. I choose to be welcoming, happy, and hopeful.
Set Up, Then Put Down
Some commands and units are a revolving door of new families checking in. Others, like ours, welcome a new group each fall. Whatever the schedule is for your unit, take advantage by setting up a time to invite someone new to coffee, an FRG meeting, or out for a playdate. Then put your phone down! Make every intention of being present and emotionally available to your new potential friend—it makes a difference. You’ll leave an impression with that new spouse of being caring, engaged, and welcoming. (And it almost always guarantees another hang out!)
Invite Yourself to Things
This one has been hard for me. I’m the type who waits to be invited, rather than invites herself. Partly because I think it’s respectful, and partly because I’m scared of someone telling me I’m not invited. Honestly? The chances of someone saying that are slim, so put yourself out there and ask to tag along if you know a few spouses are doing something fun! Inviting yourself can be intimidating, but it serves a dual purpose—it can take away the fear someone else might have for meeting new people, and it immediately breaks down barriers others might have in wondering if you’re outgoing and friendly (which you totally are!).
Dive into Your Community
Once your MilSpouse friends move away, and you’re feeling like your social circle just got a little smaller, consider taking a turn in the opposite direction from the military. Get out and find organizations, groups, and networking circles within your community to branch out. Sure, military spouses can relate to your home life, but having non-military friends can open a whole new world, and most of those game-changing friends are in your community. Try out a volunteer corps, food pantry, or professional club, and see what interesting people you meet!
Being left behind during PCS season doesn’t have to be leave you standing in the haze of exhaust from a departing moving truck. It can be a new season for you, too. All you have to do is get up and welcome the new adventure.
Are you a left-behind friend during PCS season? How do you make the most of it?