How to Help an Anxious Child After a PCS Move

PCS season rush  is over. You have relocated, which means you found and moved into a new home in a new town with new people and are anticipating new experiences.

However, your child is anxious and may feel like they’ve lost control of their life because they have been removed from their school, friends, and home. They also may feel as if they have lost their sense of security, too.  As a military parent, I have sought out professional help from therapists and read countless books on how to help my child adjust and feel comfortable in their new settings.

Here are some tips that have helped my own children thrive after relocating:

  1. Remind them of their blessings: basic necessities met are considered blessings, such as shelter, food, water and clothes. Reminding them, but not comparing to those without, allows the child to realize that they are safe and in-control of their own environment.
  2. Point out the amazing and extraordinary activities, like traveling, visiting, and living in a place that might not have happened to an average child their age.
  3. Find ways to minimize anxiety by encouraging and facilitating ways your child can be an active participant in problem-solving their own issues.


But not all problems are from the anxiety of moving. Sometimes, they’re just typical kid problems. And we’ve faced them, too. Here’s some helpful examples pulled from my own experiences as a military parent raising military children:

Riding the bus
If your child is anxious of riding the school bus, encourage the child to ask the bus driver to assign them a seat. The child will feel control in sitting in a seat that is assigned to him or her because it will give the child a sense of security.

Student-teacher personality clash
new school means a new set of teachers who are unaware of your child’s quirks. If your child is experiencing a personality clash with a specific teacher, help your child write a letter or note allowing them to express their thoughts and emotions in a constructive manner that is both helpful and progressive. The child has the ability to remind the teacher they are trying their best, promise to keep up, and desire a great school year. This will allow the anxious child to feel like an active participant in controlling their environment and situation with their teacher.

Neighborhood bully
If a another child is bullying youus, the best solution is to encourage your them to express their concerns to the child bothering them. Most military children already feel lack of control over their lives, it is not acceptable for their peers to restrict any more of their sense of safety and security. Remind the anxious child that making bold statements is hard but they were able to do it, which proves that they are strong, reasonable, and in-control of their own life.

If your child is the so-called bully, allow other kids to express acceptable and reasonable thoughts and opinions of your child’s behavior to them. As a parent, find ways to encourage group participation without leading the group. Help your child learn new ways to be cooperative without losing their autonomy.

If a child apologizes to yours, as a parent you should also feel as if they have apologized to you, too. Allow the children to solve their situation as much as they can on their own and only get involved when necessary.

Parenting is tough. None of this easy to do, facilitate, or encourage. However, we as parents, are given an extraordinary privilege to raise extraordinary children. Should you feel frustrated and need encouragement, I recommend speaking to a licensed professional. Military OneSource, TRICARE, and Give an Hour can assist you in finding a therapist who is ready to help you and your family thrive.

What tips would you give other parents with kids who are having a tough time after a PCS?

Posted by Fari Bearman, military spouse and NMFA Volunteer

Survive and Thrive: Joint Base Charleston, South Carolina

Charleston and its surrounding areas are full of history and intrigue for the casual weekend vacationer looking for a getaway. It’s also awesome for the military families who live in the area! It’s no surprise that Charleston was recently named the best city by Travel + Leisure World’s Best Awards.

Charleston Geography
When first moving to the “low country,” as this area of South Carolina is called, it can be a little daunting and difficult to navigate. Charleston refers to not only downtown Charleston, but is also comprised of smaller towns and communities in its surrounding area. If you are moving to here, make sure you have a map and a GPS to navigate the areas of downtown Charleston, Mount Pleasant, West Ashley, Folly Beach and the other communities in the area.

Charleston has several larger cities and tourist destinations within a five-hour drive including: Columbia, SC, Myrtle Beach, SC, Hilton Head SC, Charlotte, NC, Atlanta, GA and Orlando, FL.

Where to Live
For many in the Navy and Air Force, living in the base housing is an ideal option because of the proximity to base and the many amenities offered.


Those who do not mind a short drive, with possible traffic and sometimes frequent railroad-crossing stops might prefer to live off base in Goose Creek, Hanahan, Ladson, Summerville, or North Charleston. For those working on the Coast Guard base, the communities in West Ashley or Mount Pleasant offer affordable, family friendly options housing options.

Most of the neighborhoods and communities in this region have Home Owners Associations with amenities such as gyms, clubhouses, and pools. So if you plan on buying or renting, make sure you understand those additional costs and requirements before committing to purchase or rent a home here.

What to Do
The low country does not disappoint in events and activities available to those who live here. Joint Base Charleston has pools, gyms, movie theaters, bowing alleys, libraries, and an outdoor recreation center. Additionally there are biking and walking trails, dog parks, access to boating and fishing and disc golf courses on base.


For a day at the beach, head over to the Isle of Palms, Folly Beach, Kiawah Island, Sullivan’s Island, or SeaBrook Island. In addition to catching some rays, you can kayak, surf, windsurf, and kite surf. For the avid fisherman, there are many local companies that offer charter boat trips around the waters of the low country.


For a day out with the kids, there are many options including the Children’s Museum, Charleston Aquarium, Monkey Joe’s Indoor Play Space, Ice Palace for Ice Skating, and Velocity Air Sports. Also popular with kids during the summer months are the Charleston County water parks: Whirling Waters, Splash Zone and Splash Island.

For the history buff, check out Patriot Points (home to USS Yorktown and other smaller ships), Fort Sumter, Fort Moultrie, the H.L. Hunley (sunken confederate submarine), and Riverfront Park. There are also historic plantations including: Magnolia Plantation and Gardens, Middleton Place, Drayton Hall and Boone Hall, as well as the Nathaniel Russell House and Joseph Manigault House.


There are many festivals held throughout the year celebrating everything from the arts, local food and wine, breweries and much more. Charleston 2nd Sunday is a popular monthly event downtown on King Street with live music, local merchants and outdoor dining. Another popular festival is the annual Flowertown Festival. This is the largest arts and crafts festival in South Carolina, held the first weekend of April at Azalea Park in Summerville. It is a fun event and has something for all ages.

Charleston is also home to sports teams that offer military nights and discounts each season: Charleston Riverdogs (baseball), Charleston Battery (soccer), and Charleston Stingrays (hockey). College of Charleston, The Citadel and Charleston Southern University also have a variety of sports played on their campuses throughout the year. And located on Daniel Island, the annual Volvo Car Open Tennis Tournament is held at the Volvo Cars Stadium in April.

And let’s not forget shopping.  There are all types of options in the area, from flea markets, thrift stores, department stores and malls, to designer stores, like Louis Vuitton, and even outlets! For local goodies like the famous Sweetgrass baskets, hand made soaps, lotions and more, make sure you visit the Charleston Market.

What to Eat
In recent years, Charleston has gained a reputation of being a haven for foodies. From casual to upscale, there is a restaurant that will cater to every appetite.. There’s a wide variety of local restaurants that serve cuisines with Caribbean, African, American Southern and soul food influence. Popular must try restaurants are: EVO, Hominy Grill, Husk, Boxcar Betty’s, Taco Boy, and Smash Burger.

When living in Charleston, make sure to try some of these staples of the region: Carolina style barbecue (vinegar and mustard based), shrimp and grits, frogmore stew (sausage, crab, shrimp, onions, corn, and potatoes), boiled peanuts, sweet tea (supposedly first made in Summerville), and anything with pimento cheese.


Opportunities for Spouses
A great part of living in the Charleston region is that there are many opportunities for careers, additional education, and training for military spouses and families.

There are lots of opportunities for employment due to the large military presence, defense contractors, and local businesses in the area. There are also employment opportunities for positions for those with medical and teaching experience as there are many early childhood learning centers, K-12 schools and medical facilities on the military installations and in the area.

Say Hello to Charlie
By the time you have finished your stay living in Charleston, I hope you’ll agree that it’s a great place to live. If you’ve tried everything listed above and you don’t agree, please make sure to visit my good friend Charlie. He is the official Officer in Charge of Complaints on the NWS side of JB Charleston.


Have you ever been stationed in Charleston? What are your favorite things?

lauran-griffithsPosted by Lauren Griffiths, military spouse and NMFA Volunteer, Charleston, SC

Military Money Matters: 3 Resources to Encourage Financial Readiness

Did you attend the 2016 annual Association of the United States Army (AUSA) Meeting & Exposition? I had the chance to be there and I thought the family forums were a great way to learn about resources and topics of concern for service members and their families.

Preparing for a Life in or Outside the Army through Financial Readiness, Military Spouse Employment and Entrepreneurship” was a forum where various speakers touched on the importance of financial readiness within the Army.  There are three key resources that I would like to share with you, regardless of your branch:


  • Command Your Cash Microlearning Center

The USAA Educational Foundation’s simple purpose is to lead and inspire actions that improve the financial readiness for the military and local community. The Command Your Cash Microlearning Center consists of tools, tips and tactics to help military members develop sound financial habits and take control of their personal finances. These courses can be used to support your financial decision making and improvement by taking one or all four of the following areas: build your credit, manage your debt, save your money, and control your spending. Sign up and get started and make sure to follow them on social media and use #CommandYourCash to share what you have learned.

  • Consumer Finance Protection Bureau (CFPB) Financial Coaches

CFPB launched 60 financial coaches throughout Department of Labor job centers and more than two dozen non-profit social services providers across the country to provide one-on-one coaching to help service members and their families plan for financial success. These financial coaches are free, trusted and certified AFCPE professionals ready to help your military family. Check out a list of financial coaching delivery sites, or visit the CFPB website for more information. A telecoaching function has been added for those service members and their families that are not near any of these centers. You can also look into On Demand Virtual training forums and tools through the CFPB website.

  • 2018 Blended Retirement System

Mr. Steve Hansen from Army G-1 briefly spoke about the blended retirement system that will take effect January 1, 2018. Those currently serving will have the choice to opt into the system, and there will be online training and resources uploaded to the Joint Knowledge Online system, as well as one-to-one opportunities if the service member still has questions and/or concerns. It is imperative more, now than ever, to begin planning whether it is beneficial for the service member of 12 years or less to opt into the new system. Has your family started planning for retirement?

Take this information and tackle your own financial challenges and turn them into successes. Are you educating yourself in the upcoming retirement changes and the long term positive affects it can have in your retirement portfolio? There is still time.

Share with us if you have used any of these programs already and how they have helped you and your family!

cynthia-gPosted by Cynthia Giesecke, NMFA Volunteer and 2012 Military Spouse Fellow candidate for the Association for Financial Counseling and Planning Education (AFCPE) and part of the NMFA “Military Family Matters” blog team

Give Thanks for Open Doors and Open Arms

In towns that surround military communities across the country live local citizens who may have never experienced the life of a service member firsthand. However, the sight of a moving truck is a regular occurrence in their neighborhoods, and they may even be able to hear bugle calls from their home while sipping their morning coffee. The people in these communities may rarely set foot on the military base nearby, but their lives are interwoven with the military families who live among them.

They are the business owners who welcome the sight of uniformed personnel in their establishments. They are the community leaders who plan events and parades to honor local veterans every single year. They are the preachers who call spouses of deployed service members, just to check in. They are the school administrators who ensure that the military children in their schools are receiving enriching, supportive educational experiences.

They know that when their own children befriend the new kid at school, a military child, they are taking a bit of an emotional risk. Military children don’t often stay more than a couple of years in their town. They know that even though their own children are not military children, they will likely feel the sting of painful goodbyes.


These school board members, city council members, teachers, physicians, business owners, ministers, postal workers, neighbors, and friends are all too familiar with the ebb and flow of new military families that arrive to their communities every year while the ones they’ve known for a couple of years pack up and move away.

But they welcome us anyway. They greet us with open doors and open arms. They learn our names, and they befriend us. They care for us.

To the local families who live among military communities: thank you. Thank you for the countless jobs you do to make these towns great places for military families to live. Thank you for supporting and including your military-connected neighbors. Thank you for giving us a place to belong, a home, even if for only a short season.

Have you ever lived in an awesome community? What would you tell the civilian supporters around you? 

teresa-bannerPosted by Teresa Banner, military spouse and NMFA Volunteer

10 Perks Military Families Often Forget

Every family has hectic days and busy schedules.  Military families are no different with the exception that their busy days include dangerous jobs, long term deployments of one or both spouses and the simple fact that the military didn’t issue a spouse and kids in the first place.  That is what an old Army Colonel used to tell, or yell at, young recruits, “Son, the Army didn’t issue your wife and kids.  Leave denied!”   The fact that a wife was in the hospital and two young kids needed care had no bearing whatsoever on what the Army required.  Fortunately, in the military, there are always kind neighbors willing to step in and help.

Is it any wonder that in the hectic and frequently worrisome situations of life, military families often forget about certain perks available to them?  Here is a list of 10 that are often overlooked.

Who wouldn’t want a few discounts on food and snacks, especially when eating out? Many nation-wide eateries offer 10% or more in discounts to military personnel or their dependents.  Ben & Jerry’s discount is a generous 15-25% depending on the particular shop.  Others that offer discounts include, Arby’s, Back Yard Burgers, Bennigan’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, Burger King, Chic-Fil-A, Chili’s and Denny’s among many others.

What military family couldn’t use some theme park fun to unwind following a long separation due to deployment?  Seaworld® offers 1 free single day admission for any active duty member and up to 3 of his or her dependents.  Walt Disney World offers special pricing for active duty or retired military personnel and up to 6 friends and relatives.  The discount is quite generous on 4 day hopper passes and is subject to annual renewal.

There are more than 400 national parks in the USA and most have no entrance fees, but for those that do, fees are waived or greatly discounted for military personnel.  For most National parks, discounts can be acquired through the America the Beautiful Pass.

Museums across the country, both private and public, typically offer discounts to active duty military members and their dependents.  The Reuben H. Fleet Science Center in San Diego, Ca offers 10% off and free admissions on Tuesdays to student dependents.

If planning a vacation, look for discounts in advance. Some chains include a military discount in the booking price online such as the Hawaiian Inn in Daytona, Fl. Others just require proof of a military ID like Motel 6. Long-term extended stays such as Staybridge Suites offers a discount at over 200 different locations but has per diem rates.

Verizon Wireless, which boasts America’s Largest 4GLTE Network, offers special bundling programs for those serving the country, with special options for deployment time, which is helpful.  If Verizon isn’t your carrier, talk to your customer service agent and tell them what you would like to see in the future.  They may go ahead and arrange a discount or try to match their competition.

We’re all used to getting less expensive tickets during matinee hours, but AMC Theaters offer $1.50 off ticket prices even for peak times.  Regal’s ticket price for military personnel is only $10 which is a dollar less than student tickets and almost all Cinemark theaters offer a discount at over 100 location across the U.S.

USAA Banking, Navy Federal Credit Union and other national and local banks offer special services and lower fees to military personnel.

Most people think he military itself does all the moving of personal belongings from one place to another.  It’s true that the military will handle these things but families sometimes move across town or need something moved from one state to another that doesn’t qualify under the military option.  Penske offers a military discount off truck rentals and is so gung-ho about giving good service, they created a special toll-free number for active duty personnel 1=844-4TROOPS.

Get the GM Military Discount on eligible new vehicles including Chevy, Buick and GMC.

Typical daily life for anyone serving in the military, whether active duty or dependent, is fulfilling but difficult.  Don’t make the mistake of forgetting to take advantage of the discounts, big and small, that exist as a thank-you-for-your-service from businesses across the nation.  Simply ask about a military discount everywhere you go.  The worst thing that can happen is being told, “No, we don’t offer one at this time.”  And who knows, the question itself may bring about a new company policy.  Every little bit helps, right?  Ooh Rah!

What are your favorite perks? Share them with us!

chelsey-moterPosted by Chelsey Moter, military spouse

Could You Be the Victim of Domestic Violence and Not Even Know It?

Domestic violence.


We’re well aware of these terms…or so we think. Do you really know what domestic violence looks like? You may be in an abusive relationship RIGHT NOW and not even know it.

The common idea of abuse is that it involves being hit, shoved, called names, and degraded; we think physical abuse, rape, or threats. These are easily identifiable.

The truth is, abuse can be downright subtle.

It doesn’t have to be in-your-face to be abuse. It can be insidious, and sneak up on you. Often, it does. You meet an amazing person, they sweep you off your feet. Then suddenly, you start feeling self-doubt. You feel off kilter. You dismiss it as subtle signs of weakness on your part or just a bad mood.

Sure, it could be a bad mood. But it also could be a sign that you are in a domestically violent relationship. Sadly, this could go on for years without even recognizing it.


If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re in an abusive relationship, here are some signs to look for:

  1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself and can feel like you’re walking on egg shells.
  2. Your self-esteem is inexplicably at an all-time low.
  3. You worry what you say and do will impact your partner negatively, so you start avoiding people and situations that may have that effect on your partner.
  4. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
  5. You feel responsible for everything that goes wrong in your relationship or in your partner’s life.
  6. Your constantly saying “I’m sorry” even when it isn’t warranted.
  7. You doubt your self-worth, your sanity, your intelligence.
  8. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
  9. You often feel confused and even crazy at work and in other areas of your life outside of your relationship.
  10. Your relationship becomes the primary focus of your mental space, even when your attention is needed elsewhere.
  11. You stop doing things you enjoy because they don’t.
  12. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
  13. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family and withhold information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain their behavior.
  14. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
  15. You start lying to avoid the put downs and stress that your partner throws your way.
  16. You have trouble making simple decisions.
  17. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person – more confident, more fun-loving, and more relaxed.
  18. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
  19. You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
  20. You lose your sense of self.

Do any of those apply to you? Sure, you have good times, your partner may even treat you amazingly well during those good times. But like a flash, things can go inexplicably wrong and you are left confused and anxious wanting everything to feel alright again. Hope becomes your best friend. Hope that your partner will be “themselves” again. Hope that this is the last time they make you feel this way. Hope that you won’t do something to anger them again.

A healthy relationship does not work this way. It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators they can convince you that you do not deserve better treatment, or that they are treating you this way to “help” you. Some abusers even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them. In private is a different story, which is often a source of stress and confusion.

A healthy, non-abusive relationship is built on support, respect, admiration, empathy, and personal responsibility. If your relationship feels more abusive than loving, seek help from a therapist. Recognizing abuse is confusing at best. But acknowledging that you deserve a healthy, loving relationship shouldn’t be.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

ingridPosted by Ingrid Herrera-Yee, PhD, Project Manager, Military Spouse Mental Health Professionals Pipeline 


Advice For New Moms: Just Kidding, We Know You’re Sick of It

Even on baby #3, it still feels like I can’t get it “right.” Part of that is because every baby is so different. But also, what’s “right” is a moving target. Those books you read 10 years ago? Toss ‘em. That advice your doctor gave you after baby #2? That’s no longer the case either. And every mom you meet is full of advice from their own personal experience.

“Oh he’s not sleeping? Have you tried keeping him up later?”

“You should put him down to sleep earlier.”

“Stop nursing him at night.”

“Definitely nurse him at night. You don’t want your breastfeeding supply to dwindle!”

I have to remind myself the breastfeeders and the formula feeders, the co-sleepers and the never-co-sleepers all want the same thing… happy, healthy babies.

October is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Awareness Month. If you’re a mom, you know about SIDS. It’s our worst fear. Once we finally get over the fear of losing our baby in utero, we move on to this next phase that keeps us up at night (along with the crying newborn).

In honor of SIDS Awareness Month, let’s try something different. I’m not going to tell you to how to take care of your baby or how to create a safe sleep environment. We get enough of that, right? Instead, let’s narrow down the whole conversation to two important points.


  1. Babies need to breathe.

Mary Adkins, a member of the National Action Partnership to Promote Safe Sleep (NAPPSS) steering committee, agrees that moms get bombarded with enough advice.

“Parents are so tired of everyone telling them what to do and making them feel like a bad parent,” she said. “That just doesn’t work.”

Preach, sister. We are tired of it. I’ve read it all; I have a (sleep-deprived) brain; I can make my own informed decisions.

Keyword: informed.

“If you think about how tiny that nose and mouth really is and how very little it takes to obstruct that. If you can get that visual and always keep the air around your baby’s nose and mouth uncompromised, the other recommendations follow logically,” Adkins said.

  1. Babies will exhaust you in a way you never thought imaginable.

My one year old woke up EVERY HOUR for the first 7 months of his life. Even now, he’s up once a night. The toll this takes on your body and mind is no joke. You make decisions you wouldn’t normally make—letting your baby sleep on your chest while you sleep in a recliner, for example. No judgement, I’ve done it. Is it safe, though? Absolutely not.

“Parents, especially first time parents are pretty stunned about what that baby requires,” Adkins said. “They are not prepared for how different the sleep cycle of an infant is from their own.”

Unfortunately, there’s not a national program to help military spouses with newborn sleep, but there are programs like Mission Sleep taking steps to make a difference.

And here’s something I wish somebody had told me: you’re not going crazy. This is what babies do, and it won’t last forever.

Most importantly—ask for help and accept it when it’s offered.

Military spouses often find themselves in a particularly vulnerable situation: alone with a new baby while their spouse is deployed and their families are across the country.

If you find yourself in this position, don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor or your FRG leader about support groups. Take advantage of the military spouse tribe near you.

If you’re like me and you’re still not getting it “right,” don’t worry. That’s what ice cream is for.

What kept you sane during those rough, sleepless nights with your newborn? Share your encouragement in the comments!

besa_2016Posted by Besa Pinchotti, Communications Director