Tag Archives: PTSD

Help Veterans and Their Families “Make the Connection”

make-the-connectionWhen Reagan returned home from service in the Marine Corps, his fiancée, Tiffany, noticed he was on edge and frequently irritable. Although it took some time for Reagan to connect with the care he needed for his post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, Tiffany was able to help him understand that going to counseling was an important thing to do—not just for himself, but for his family, as well.

As a loved one of a veteran or service member, you provide support to those who have served, or are serving our country. You’ve been there for them during good times and hard times, and you might be the first to notice if they are having a tough time. Whatever challenges you and the veteran or service member in your life may be dealing with, and no matter how long they’ve been going on, you are not alone. Support is available. Every day, veterans and their families connect with resources and services to manage the issues they face, and find ways to improve their lives.

Make the Connection, a campaign by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), encourages military families to seek support and be encouraged by powerful stories, like Tiffany and Reagan’s, that showcase strength, connection, and overcoming challenges. At MakeTheConnection.net, veterans and service members from every military branch, service era, and background speak about their experiences during and after service, including how they faced adversity, reached out for support, and moved forward in their lives. Hundreds of short videos of veterans and their families are featured on this highly accessible online resource. The website also includes reliable information about mental health and resilience, signs and symptoms of problems, common life events and experiences, and a locator for VA and community-based resources.

Military families and others can support veterans and service members by exploring MakeTheConnection.net to download materials to print and distribute. You can also visit the YouTube channel, “like” the Facebook page, and share content with your friends to build support for veterans and their families. Support from the VA and other organizations helped Tiffany and Reagan, and it can help a veteran you know, too.

PTSD can be quiet

ptsd-soldierPrior to my husband’s last deployment, I had no direct contact with anyone who came home with PTSD. At least no one who was open about it, or even acted how I thought someone with PTSD would act.

That’s one of the troubles with PTSD. It’s not how someone acts in public or controlled situations; it’s how they act when no one else is around.

I had known from telephone and email conversations that something wasn’t right with my own husband. He would call and make wild, angry statements because I forgot to close the garage door. When he actually returned home from deployment, the problems became worse. He began not sleeping at all, and then slept for days. The anger, outbursts, and sullen behavior all reached epic levels. It nearly toppled our marriage over into a hole that it could never crawl out of.

You see, my husband denied he had PTSD, as many do. Because I was largely uneducated, with the exception of knowing PTSD wasn’t what the media portrayed, I didn’t really know what to do. I couldn’t fully see the tell-tale signs in my husband until it was almost too late.

He doesn’t have flashbacks in the “traditional” sense. Instead, his PTSD is quiet, it’s withdrawn, and it’s mean.

I wish I had known all of the ways PTSD can manifest itself. I wish I had known PTSD isn’t always yelling, fighting, and violent. I wish I had known that many of the things we often associate with PTSD are just a very small sampling of what can really be happening in your home.

My husband is withdrawn. He can go months without really speaking to me about anything. This started immediately after he returned, but being his wife, I became a great excuse maker. We never want to think PTSD has touched our life and our spouse. So I made excuse after excuse.

“He’s withdrawn because he’s adjusting.”
“He’s not sleeping because of the time difference.”
“He’s sleeping all the time because of the stress.”

But what it all added up to was a giant elephant in the room, one that he refused to talk about. An elephant that I was scared to bring up.

Sometimes, his posture changes, and I can tell that he is not in the moment with me anymore, but somewhere else entirely. Those times can be followed by silence, or an escalation of anger, but I know it’s not me he is angry at.

When he does have angry outbursts, it’s often at times when I least expect it. He once became angry with me when I asked him to bring me ketchup from the kitchen.

We are shown, and told, that PTSD is loud; that it is crazy, emotional, and intense. There can be violence, drinking, and wild behavior, but that isn’t always the case, and I truly wish I had known that. Maybe we wouldn’t have gotten to the brink of divorce.

I would tell any spouse, any family member or friend: Watch.

Simply watch your loved one. Has their sleep pattern changed? Are they sullen or withdrawn? Have they refused to see friends since their return? Are they having memory issues? All of those things, simple as they sound, can be warning signs.

PTSD can be the silent secret that you aren’t even sure is really there. It can be a quiet ordeal your spouse may be living with every day, but not saying anything about. It can be new behaviors you’ve never seen before, or old behaviors that you haven’t seen in a while.

If you suspect anything might be wrong, talk to them. Don’t ask what they did or saw, just talk to them about your concerns. Don’t let it become the elephant in the room and the secret you keep because they don’t want to talk about it. Angry or not, it’s so important that you urge them to seek help. I was lucky that I managed to get my husband into treatment, but others are not as lucky.

Because PTSD can be quiet.

Guest Post by Annie Mously, military spouse blogger

**October 10 is National Depression Screening Day. Take this opportunity to learn about your risk for depression, anxiety or PTSD by completing a simple self-assessment online at www.MilitaryMentalHealth.org.

Suicide Prevention Month: Listen, Respect, Share

marine-ceremony-flagRecently, I enjoyed a weekend getaway with my husband. We wandered in and out of beach front shops, miles away from a military base. It was nice to have a chance to be together and enjoy the beach scenery.

My husband and I were surprised when a local shop owner shared a very personal story with us. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked if my husband was in the military (his haircut gives it away). She also inquired where he was stationed and how long we had been assigned to this location. Her daughter’s family recently moved away from this particular location.

She shared with us that her son-in-law, an Army veteran, committed suicide. He was being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). She was trying to grapple with her new feelings and offer support to her grieving daughter and grandchild.

After sharing our condolences, my husband and I both wanted to offer resources to help this anguished family. Before I rattled off a list of resources, I realized I need to step back and listen to the person speaking to me, respect what she was sharing with me, and share resources if she was agreeable to accepting information.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, here are some suggestions:

Listen: Really listen. Try to understand what the person is communicating. Try not to think of a solution or offer a resource right away.

Respect: Respect that the person feels safe enough to share this information with you. Understand your boundaries and your comfort level.

Share: Is the person able to receive information? Do you have resources available? If not, and you are comfortable, exchange contact information and ask a professional for help.

I am not a counselor. I am not a medical expert. But, I am an involved military spouse. I was thankful I had read recent articles about the Military Crisis Line and Veterans Crisis Line.  Additionally, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7 support to those in crisis across the nation.

If you or someone you know has contemplated suicide, seek the support you need. The military and your local community provide a wide array of available programs for preventive care and support.

KatiePosted by Katie Savant, Government Relations Information Manager

Raising Awareness about PTSD Resource for Military Families

Raising Awareness about PTSD Resource for Military FamiliesIf your service member experiences a traumatic event including combat, sexual assault, or death of a loved one, he or she may have a puzzling reaction to particular situations. For example, loud noises from a movie or a crowded location may trigger a particular stressful memory or response from your service member. During the month of June, the Department of Veterans’ Affairs has launched a Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Awareness campaign. The goal of the campaign is to do just that, raise awareness and provide family members, loved ones, and concerned friends with resources in order to better understand the signs and symptoms of PTSD. In addition, it can help you connect your service member with resources.

After a traumatic event, you should expect a transition process while your service member adjusts before returning to everyday activities. What is normal for each person will vary. If you have concerns, it may be helpful to understand common reactions to trauma and when those reactions might be PTSD. You can also explore online assessments to help you understand your service member’s reaction.

It may be difficult to express your concerns to your loved one and encourage them to seek care. The VA has a program called Coaching into Care to help you determine the right thing to say to help your service member seek a medical professional.  It can be extremely difficult to see your loved one live with a traumatic experience. You may be frustrated that your loved one is not the “same.” The VA also has tips to help you adjust to the changes. Your well-being is also important. Be sure take care of yourself while you are seeking care for your service member, and keep a list of crisis resources available.

About 7 – 8% of the U.S. population will have PTSD at some point in their life and experts estimate about 1 out of 5 veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan may have PTSD. The goal this month is to arm you with information so you can help navigate a loved one to the care they need. Knowledge is power. Make a difference this June and become familiar with the resources to help those who may be suffering from PTSD.

Watching your spouse address PTSD demons is heart wrenching. Remember there is help for both of you. Visit our website for additional information on Mental Health Care. Also, read about a military spouse and her personal situation in the article, Spouse Describes Impact of Post-traumatic Stress.

KatieBy Katie Savant, Government Relations Information Manager