Tag Archives: military spouses

Roadmap to Understanding the Childless Military Spouse

couple-jumpingLet me be honest here for a minute. I’m 28. I’ve been married for four years. I am a military spouse. I don’t have kids, nor are they in my immediate future.

Boom.

I’m sure some of you will read that and, no doubt, think I’m weird. But spouses like me are not rare; in fact, there are a ton of us. We’re just hiding from the command parties that feature bubble wrap laid on the floor for your kids to trample on.

Ok, we’re not really hiding. But in my experience, some spouses with children often forget how to communicate with those of us who are not parents. We all came from the same bus stop, remember? Just not all of us took the ride into parenthood.

Speaking of my experiences, here are some of the craziest things that spouses with kids have said to me.

Consider this a roadmap of what not to say to the childless military spouse:

“Don’t you feel useless with all that free time and nothing to focus your energy on?”

“You don’t want to be the OLD mom – better not wait much longer!”

“Are you having infertility issues?”

“You could just adopt!”

“Aren’t you READY for kids?!”

“But you’re almost thirty.”

“Having kids gets us so much more money on our tax return!”

“Don’t you get lonely?”

As military spouses, we’re all trying to find common ground, share experiences, and support each other. And while none of the spouses who said these things to me meant any ill regard, they still made me feel excluded.

Those of us in the military community who don’t have kids by the “normal” age (read: young parents) still want to be included in your play dates, kids events, and yes, we’ll even help set up the bubble wrap on the floor at the next command Christmas party. Maybe we are struggling with experiencing pregnancy, or worse, maybe we’ve lost a pregnancy, but we just aren’t sharing. Or (gasp!) maybe we are childfree by choice.

Having children is a big decision for any one, and those of us who haven’t crossed that bridge, still have other things in common with you. We’re loving wives, focused employees, loyal friends, and can be a genuine support system for you on this military journey!

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Online Engagement Manager

Don’t Let Your New Year’s Resolutions Become Your Next Epic Fail

new-years-epic-failFun fact: 88% of New Year’s Resolutions fail.

Why do people even bother?! I never purposely set myself up for failure– which is why, for the past few years, my resolutions have included:

Eat more ice cream.
Drink more champagne.
Get more pedicures.

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m in that successful 12%. I’m 3 for 3 and looking forward to a successful 2014 (filled with more massages)!

But what if you have legit resolutions? What if you want to drop 20 pounds, stop smoking, or put a certain amount of money into your kids’ college savings account? Should you give up before you start?

Absolutely not!

You can succeed at your New Year’s resolutions if you do these things:

Focus
Don’t resolve to get more massages and more pedicures and eat more ice cream and stop biting your toenails (ew!). Pick one. Stanford Professor Baba Shiv has done extensive research on resolutions and found that making more than one is too much for the brain to handle!

And don’t be vague. Instead of saying “get more massages,” I’d say “get six massages in 2014.” Don’t resolve to “get in shape,” instead say “lose 20 pounds.”

Take Baby Steps
Instead of making a yearly goal, break it up into chunks. When you make long-term goal, it’s too easy to put off ‘til later. Plus, having early success will help you stay motivated. For example, if you’re trying to lose 20 pounds, set a goal of losing 5 pounds by the end of March.

Blab to Your Friends
Nothing kicks you in the behind like a good public shaming. Ok, I’m being dramatic. Announce your New Year’s resolution to your friends and family (on Facebook and in person); even if they don’t say a word, knowing that they’re aware of what you’re trying to accomplish will make you feel worse for giving up.

Give Yourself a Break
Know that every day isn’t going to be award-winning– you’ll have good days and bad days. Just because you ate a dozen donuts on Saturday doesn’t mean it’s over. Just eat a dozen leaves of kale to make up for it (not really). The point is this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Don’t Forget to Celebrate!
When you meet those smaller goals, stop and give yourself a high five or do a little happy dance. Treat yourself to something nice—something that doesn’t steer you away from your goal. For all you “get-in-shapers,” buy yourself some new running shorts or a new iTunes playlist. If “stop swearing” was your resolution, buy yourself a censored version of your favorite movie. You get the point.

Best of luck with your resolutions. I’m off to get my first of many massages… and maybe some champagne.

Happy New Year!

besaPosted by Besa Pinchotti, Communications Director

Semper Gumby: Make your dreams fit your life!

archaelogist-milspouse

As a Marine Corps spouse, I always try to embody the motto “Semper Gumby,” by always being flexible, but sometimes that’s really difficult. In fact, I just got word that instead of heading to a Marine Corps base in California, we’re heading to Virginia Beach, Virginia, instead. All these moves (six in the last three years!) and last-minute changes to our plans have made me question if I’ll ever fulfill my dream of working as an archaeologist. It’s been nearly impossible to hold down a job at all, much less attain my biggest career goals. But just as military spouses are flexible, we’re also resilient.

Archaeology has fascinated me since I was a teenager. I’ve always loved history, and solving the mysteries and questions that history presents. As an undergraduate student, my interests got a little more specific, and I decided to pursue underwater archaeology and archaeology of early America.

Roadblocks
When my path to becoming a working archaeologist faced some road blocks, it was time to regroup. I started volunteering in local museums, and working as a gift shop cashier. The next step was to figure out a way to make my work more meaningful and in line with my interests. I also needed to make my career portable. I enrolled in an online program to earn a certificate in Geographic Information Science (GIS), a computer program used to develop maps—basically the Microsoft Office of the archaeology world. Having a GIS certificate means I can still be involved in archaeology and history, but can work remotely or on a consultation basis. I didn’t stop there, though, because I knew I wanted a master’s degree.

A Fork in the Road
One of the biggest challenges military spouses face when pursuing higher education is how to go about getting it. The online GIS classes meant I could stay with my spouse, and wouldn’t have to quit school if we were forced to move unexpectedly. But while online classes forced me to stay very self-motivated, I didn’t get the same support from other students as I would have in a classroom setting.

Reaching Your Destination
When I looked for graduate programs, I decided to make the difficult decision to go away to school at the University of Rhode Island. The upside is that I can focus solely on work and research and I get to interact with other professionals in my field. The downside is that I am away from my husband.

How do we cope? By looking at this as an educational “deployment,” and like all deployments, it will end.

What have I learned? Think about what’s going to make you happy. Scholarships, like the one I received from the National Military Family Association are a huge help!

Keep an open mind. It is possible to make your dreams fit your life!

Have you ever had a “Semper Gumby” moment? How did you handle it?

Guest Post by Jessica Glickman, 2012 Joanne Holbrook Patton Scholarship Recipient

Geo-Bachelorhood: Six months later

geobachelorEarlier this year, my family and I had a difficult decision to make. My husband had received orders that would take him to an installation about three hours from our home in Virginia. In the past, a new set of orders simply meant a new home town, no questions asked. We packed up the kids, said goodbye to friends and neighbors, and set off on our new adventure.

This time, however, we paused. We worried about the effect of moving the kids now that they are in middle and high school. We wondered if we would be able to sell our house or find a renter. And I asked myself if my career would ever recover if I had to give up yet another job. So after a lot of discussion and a lot of soul-searching, we decided that – for now at least – the kids and I would stay behind and my husband would become a geo-bachelor.

Now, it’s six months later, and while we’ve had our good days and our bad days, on the whole we’re managing. While I would never say that we have everything figured out, we have learned a few lessons over the past few months that have made geo-bachelorhood more bearable.

When we decided the kids and I would not move to the new installation, I worried about how I would manage everything on my own. Surprisingly, though, that hasn’t been our biggest challenge. As an experienced military family, we are accustomed to long separations, the kids and I slid easily back into our old routines. Every weekend, however, those routines were upended when my husband came home. It took a while for all of us to adjust our expectations and learn to enjoy our time together.

The first lesson I had to learn was to give Dad some down time. After a week of holding down the fort single-handedly, it’s tempting to meet him at the door with a honey-do list in one hand and the carpool schedule in the other. In fact, my husband jokes that I seem to think he comes home just to walk the dog and take out the garbage. And it’s true that when he’s home the kids and I are more than happy to let him handle some of the household chores that we take on in his absence.

But, although it’s easy for me to forget while I’m juggling kids, work, and housework, my husband’s schedule is demanding too and he deserves a chance to relax a little bit on the weekend. Raking the leaves can wait (for a while, at least)!

Another challenge has been fitting in family time. Our kids are busy with friends and activities. Between soccer games, sleepovers, and babysitting gigs, we sometimes found that a weekend had passed and Dad had barely seen one or both of the kids. We’re pleased the kids have so many friends and so much to keep them busy – it’s part of the reason we chose to stay here, after all – but time with Dad is important too.

We try to find time for him to spend one-on-one with each of the kids, even if they’re just riding along with him on a quick trip to the store. It also helps that he makes an effort to stay connected to the kids even when he can’t be here. Regular phone calls and texts throughout the week let the kids know that Dad is still involved in their lives even though he can’t be here every day.

Like so many aspects of life in the military, geo-bachelorhood isn’t easy. We were faced with a difficult choice, and are trying to do what’s right for our family. Some days are easier than others, and there are certainly times when I second guess our decision. So far, we’re making it work. We’ll see where we are this time next year!

Are you navigating geo-bachelorhood? What are your tips?

eileenPosted by Eileen Huck, Government Relations Deputy Director

Sending Holiday Cheer to Service Members: Part 2

This month, we are featuring your letters of love and encouragement to service members in your life. Do you know someone who could use some holiday cheer? Deployed, or at home, let us help you share your love and gratefulness to a service member! Kids can join in, too! Send your letter with a photo to blog@militaryfamily.org.

AJKChristmas

Dear Andrew,

We are so blessed that you will be home to celebrate Christmas with us this year! As we know all too well, so many families aren’t as fortunate. Your dedication to our family and our country inspires me every day. I am so proud of you and the career that you have chosen in the United States Army!

All my love, Lauren


sebastianDear Matt,

Throughout our military life together, the thing that always makes me most proud is to see you set goals for yourself, and work hard to achieve them. Your character and leadership is second to none, and I am lucky to have you. Thank you for taking me on this journey, I’ll get the hang of it one day! I love you, and I love the heart of service you have for your country. You are amazing!

Love, Shannon

 

How do you show the service members in your life that you appreciate them? Tell us below!

Military Spouse Scholarship Opportunities!

man-studyingNational Military Family Association is pleased to announce a new affiliation with the University of Southern California and Georgetown University. With master’s degree programs delivered online, these universities can help you continue your education no matter where military life takes you. Plus, through our Association, program candidates are eligible for scholarship opportunities.

What do YOU want to do?
Each of these programs blends live, online classes taught by university faculty with hands-on field experiences in students’ own communities.

To learn more, choose your field of interest:

Education: Make a Positive Impact in the Classroom — and Beyond
You can create positive learning experiences in a variety of educational settings when you earn your master’s degree in education. Ideal for aspiring or practicing teachers alike, the USC Rossier School of Education offers three online master’s degree programs:

Featuring the same highly selective admissions criteria as the on-campus programs, the USC Rossier’s online master’s degree programs can prepare you to inspire students everywhere.
Pre-Requisites: Bachelor’s degree
Scholarship Opportunity: $5,000
Learn more >>

Social Work: Further Social Justice
The University of Southern California School of Social Work is the first among elite research universities to offer its highly regarded Master of Social Work online. Expand your knowledge and gain in-depth training by choosing a concentration that complements your personal and professional interests — including a specialization in Military Social Work. Taught by renowned faculty and leaders in the field of social work, the online curriculum matches the academic rigor of the on-campus program.
Pre-Requisite: Bachelor’s degree
Scholarship Opportunity: $7,500
Learn more >>

Nursing: Improve the Health and Well-Being of All People
Advance your practice and improve patient outcomes as a nurse practitioner. Georgetown University’s nationally ranked Master of Science degree in Nursing features Family Nurse Practitioner (FNP) and Nurse-Midwifery/Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner specialties. Taught by Georgetown’s highly respected faculty, these programs are designed to provide the next generation of nursing leaders with the insight and knowledge they need to grow professionally and improve the health and well-being of all people.

Pre-Requisite: Registered Nurse (RN) license and a Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing (BSN)
Scholarship Opportunity: $7,500
Learn more >>

No matter where life takes you, never stop learning!

Are you a military spouse going back to school? Tell us what you’re studying!

Send Holiday Cheer to Service Members!

The holiday season is in full swing, and while most of us are keeping the home front warm and cozy, we remember the brave men and women who are protecting our Nation at home, and abroad. No one wishes for peace on Earth more than military families. While we can’t make every wish come true, we can support the ones who wish. Join us this holiday season, in sending well wishes to our service members.

During the month of December, we’d like to feature you and your service member by allowing you to share a holiday message with them. Do you know someone who could use some holiday cheer? Deployed, or at home, let us help you share your love and gratefulness to a service member! Kids can join in, too!

spc-verlanderDear SPC Verlander,

You know all we want for Christmas is you. Well, Christmas is just going to have to come a little late for us, but that’s OK. We don’t care if it’s December or August. It just won’t be Christmas for us without you, but we’ll be brave while everyone else celebrates. We miss you and cannot wait for you to come home! So proud of you babe! Love you so very much!!

-Mandi

Share your message by emailing it to us at blog@militaryfamily.org. Feel free to send a picture of the service member you’re writing to! ‘Tis the season!

Shannon-SebastianPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Online Engagement Manager