Tag Archives: military spouses

Hold Your Applause: A Military Spouse’s Take on ‘American Sniper’

American-Sniper-movie

As new parents, we take every opportunity we can to go see movies, and when American Sniper was released, we quickly bought our tickets ahead of time. On day of the show, we shoved snacks in my purse (shh!) and headed to the theater. I brought tissues, and cursed the fact that I didn’t wear waterproof mascara that day. I read the movie was intense and may be hard to watch at times, so at least I was prepared an emotional rollercoaster—and the movie delivered.

As a military spouse, it was hard to watch. But strangely enough, I didn’t end up using the tissues. When my husband was in Afghanistan in 2008, he called me from an MWR phone room, not on a satellite phone from a fire fight. I didn’t hear gun shots and people yelling on the other end of our phone calls. He wasn’t in danger in the same way Chris Kyle was, and I’m thankful for that.

Later, my husband told me about near-misses and close calls, but nothing compared to what Taya Kyle endured on the other end of that phone. ”How could Chris put Taya through a phone call like that?” I asked my husband, “Why call your wife when you’re being shot at?” He stoically responded “Most likely, he wasn’t thinking of it like that at all. It could have been the last time he talked to her.”

I also didn’t endure the hardship of being pregnant while my spouse was deployed, nor have I had to raise our 1-year-old with a father gone much of the time, or suffering from PTSD. My husband has been an awesome partner in her care. To the spouses forced to do much of it alone: you are my heroes.

American-Sniper-the-movieMy husband had a different take on the movie. He’s lost close friends in these wars. He’s attended far too many memorial services in his decade of Army service. One of his closest friends from ROTC was killed in her Humvee just weeks before she was slated to return home. And when I first met my husband in 2007, he was wearing the black KIA bracelet with her name on it …a name that would later become our daughter’s middle name.

As the movie ended, there were photos of Chris Kyle, his family, his brothers in arms, and his memorial service. My husband told me this was the hardest part of the movie for him to watch. The theater was completely silent as people filed out. We left the theater once the actual credits began to roll, still in complete silence, wrapping up our trash as quietly as possible.

That silence is what has stayed with me. I’ve seen movies where the audience applauded at the end, so I wondered how moviegoers would show respect for this story at the end of this film. Applause just didn’t feel right. A moment of silence out of respect for Chris Kyle was so much more impactful. And, if #AmericanSniper tweets are any representation, it seems that’s the way it’s been throughout much of the country.

Though the story was incredibly tragic, ultimately, it’s serving a purpose: educating our country about the dangers of PTSD. Though we were all silent as we exited the theater that day, we must not remain silent on this important issue. If you know someone you think may be suffering from PTSD, please support them in finding help. Say something and possibly save a life.

Have you seen American Sniper? How did the movie make you feel? Tell us what you thought of this amazing film in the comments below!

Melissa-JudyPosted by Melissa Judy, Social Media and Brand Manager

Cupcakes to 10K: The Fitness Struggle is Real

fitness-and-cupcakesMy husband is in the Army, and because he’s not in a job that requires him to do regular PT, he does CrossFit to stay in shape. He ran the Army 10 Miler last year with barely any training, and he prepares things like salmon and quinoa for dinner pretty regularly. It’s safe to say, he’s definitely fit.

I’ve always hated working out. Cake and I are best friends for life. The office I work in has a giant bowl of candy (usually chocolate) refilled often, and conveniently located near my desk. Office celebrations typically involve doughnuts and cake. Have I mentioned I love cake? And last year, I had my first child. So yeah, I’d say I’m a little fluffier than I’d like to be, but I’m still trying to set a good example for my daughter, who currently loves peas and blueberries; two foods I really don’t eat.

This year I’ll (attempt to) run my first 10K race. I’m doing it with sorority sisters who don’t live close to me, so to stay motivated, we text each other about our training. I’ve only ran 5K races before, so I’m definitely nervous the loser bus will pick me up before the finish line, and I won’t get to take a selfie with that shiny medal. I can see it now: I’ll be in my Cinderella costume, complete with tutu, guzzling water at each and every station, in an effort to NOT die. I really hate running.

Each year, I tell myself this is the year I’m going to work out all the time and eat kale …which is gross no matter how much you do to it. But somehow I manage to convince myself I’m not that unhealthy, even though I’m constantly sucking in my stomach and avoiding any clingy clothing. Recently, a woman behind the counter at a local deli actually asked me if I was pregnant. “No,” I said, “I just love cake.”

So is this the year, finally? I still don’t know, it’s too early to tell. With each run I take, I feel my lungs stretch a little more, and it’s slowly becoming easier. The sparkling water I drink, instead of my beloved Coke, tricks my brain into thinking I’m drinking soda, and most veggies are good if you dip them in hummus.

Ultimately, it’s a battle I wage with myself each day. No one else but me. Even though my husband sees this slightly ‘fluffy’ body and whistles with pride, it’s me who must be happy with the woman in the mirror. No amount of bulky sweaters and draping fabric will make me feel healthy. Feeling healthy will take work and discipline, both of which take more time than putting on camouflaging clothes.

Work and discipline are values my husband holds dear, and I know he’ll be an excellent person to lean on when I want to get a cupcake AND macarons.

Did you make a New Year’s resolution to get healthy? How did you stay motivated? Leave me a comment with your tips!

Melissa-JudyPosted by Melissa Judy, Social Media and Brand Manager

The Trifecta Of Overkill: Nailed It in 2014!

overkill-comic-3252014 was a year of overdoing it, and, boy, I nailed it. But did I really benefit from all the excess? With all the gluttony and self-indulgence the last year had to offer, I’m resolving to make this new year one for the undoing, and I’m inviting you to join me. Here’s the trifecta of overkill I’m working to erase in 2015:

Overeating. Go ahead and judge me; I may or may not have eaten my body weight in French fries and queso in 2014. And I’m not the only one on the way to busting out of their skinny jeans; when it comes to obesity in America, 1 in 4 adults nailed it. It’s no secret that overeating speeds up health-related ticking time bombs, so why do we keep stuffing our faces? Does cheesecake really taste better than healthy foods?

Sometimes. But not all the time.

It’s a new year, and we have 360ish days left to shamefully convince ourselves that French fries are cooked in the hot tears of Ryan Gossling (who really wants us to look awesome in our skinny jeans!). Let’s do this!

Overreacting. If you didn’t freak out over Lena Dunham’s provocative new book or Lebron James going back to Cleveland, did you really even live in 2014? From Beyonce’s new hair cut to Ebola, I (and millions of other Americans) rode the bandwagon to Crazytown and seemed to overreact to everything. But why? Oxford Dictionary defines overreact as “responding more emotionally or forcibly than is justified.” Forcibly is the key word here.

I’m a military spouse—there are some things worth freaking out over. Deployments, loss of benefits, government shutdowns? Those warrant a strong reaction. This year, I’m putting more effort and reaction into the things that really matter to me and my family. The rest? Well, I’ll let that train pass through the station.

Oversharing. My fellow Americans, “nailed it” would be an understatement. We’ve perfected, corrected, perfected again, and overdid it with oversharing. Watches, cars, even heart monitors can now send social media updates to our friends – and thank goodness, because I have been waiting on bated breath for my 9th grade classmate, who I haven’t seen since 2001, to update me on whether she made her goal of walking 10,000 steps today! I’ll eat another French fry while I wait.

But seriously, if 2013 was the year of YOLO, 2014 was the year of FOMO. “Scientifically” speaking, Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) sends a pang of guilt into our stomach, which shoots a signal thingy to our hippocampus. Then, involuntarily, our arm and hand reach for our cell phones to make sure we aren’t missing out on the next great status update, ultimately causing happy juices to flow like queso through our veins. Scientific, right? Probably. I love a good Buzzfeed list, and I live for video compilations of kittens. But the amount of NON-information being splattered about our social media walls is. just. overkill. I’m reigning it in this year.

Did you nail it in 2014? Ready to join me and turn this train around? Tell me more in the comments below.

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

NMFA Scholarships Make It Easy… Even in the “Hard” Majors!

alexis-lorbeckiEducation is very important to me. I always said that after graduating high school, I wanted to go straight to college. As a military spouse desiring to pursue higher education, I was always worried I wouldn’t be able to find a college near my husband’s base. I was also concerned with being able to afford college (who isn’t?), and even being smart enough to stay in college. Even though my dreams of continuing my education were surrounded with worry, one thing was always certain: I was going to make it to medical school, and eventually become a doctor.

I am majoring in Biochemistry at Armstrong State University. I know what you’re thinking: “How hard and time consuming that must be!”

Yes, it’s very hard and you do need to study a lot in order to do well, but I don’t think people have a good understanding on what all of these “hard” majors, like Chemistry, Engineering, or Biology, really have to offer. If military spouses find out just a little information about these different degrees, and learn how they can get started and what they need to do, I think more of us will become interested in these fields. With a little time and effort, these “hard” majors are very attainable!

I was originally a Biology major, because I love learning about how the body works and all of the components that make it work. I wanted to learn as much as I could! But just last year, my school started to offer a Bachelor in Science Degree in Biochemistry. I love biology, but I really enjoy chemistry, too. Being in a lab, working on experiments is thrilling for me! I knew that changing my major to Biochemistry was the perfect way to combine all the things I love to learn about. I’m able to have both chemistry and biology aspects in my degree, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Being selected to receive a scholarship from the National Military Family Association (NMFA) has given me the chance to stay in school and follow my dreams of getting my Biochemistry degree. Without that undergraduate degree, my goal of getting into, and finishing, medical school would be a little harder to reach.

I found out about the National Military Family Association Military Spouse Scholarships through a military wives Facebook page—all of the wives have spouses in my husband’s company. One of the wives posted about how she found out about NMFA’s scholarships, and she highly recommended any of us who were in college to apply for them! The best part about NMFA’s spouse scholarships is that the application process is simple, and easy to find!

I’m so happy I decided to apply for these scholarships. It has made such a difference for me and my family. Even if you think you won’t get picked, take the time to apply for YOU. Pursuing your education may be the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself!

I’ll even suggest joining me in the Biochemistry field!

Posted by Alexis Lorbecki, NMFA Scholarship Recipient and Army Spouse, Hunter Army Airfield, Savannah, GA

Can Military Connected Women Have It All?

As a working mom, it was an honor and a privilege to moderate a conversation between 4 amazing women at this year’s Leadership Lunch.

The topic: does a work-life balance exist for women in the military community? But really, the conversation applied to women—and even men with families.

Lieutenant General Flora Darpino, the first female Judge Advocate General of the U.S. Army is married to a retired Army colonel. They raised two daughters together. For LTG Darpino, it’s not about work-life balance. It’s about life.

“For me, work and life don’t have to be two separate things. I don’t look at it as two different buckets on a tight rope that I am trying to balance. I just have to figure out what is going to be in the bucket that I am going to carry.”

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Lakesha Cole, 2014 Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year®, is an entrepreneur. She’s founder and CEO of “She Swank Too,” a boutique for women and girls.  She stays balanced by bringing her kids to work with her, going along with the theme that life and work aren’t necessarily separate.

“My daughter lets me know that I am spending too much time at the computer. My daughter went so far as hiding my computer charger. Set those boundaries and stick to them.”

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Reda Hicks, 2014 Armed Forces Insurance Army Spouse of the Year®, has been a “remote” spouse for the past 6 years. She’s a practicing attorney in Houston, Texas where she lives with her son while her husband is stationed at Ft. Riley, Kansas.

“Women are their own worst critics. Is something that I am going to do when he is 3-years-old going to mess him up for the rest of his life? A lot of us are Type A, and we need to sometimes let some of that control go. I don’t have a formula for how it’s all supposed to work, but you just have to take it day-to-day.”

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Claudia Meyers, wrote, directed and produced Fort Bliss, a movie about an Army medic who comes back from deployment and struggles to resume her role of “mom” to her young son.

“It was the ultimate working mom scenario. Just like civilian mothers, it’s finding that balance between career and family. It’s one of the elements that goes into decision making – she is trying to make the best decision she can in an imperfect situation. When can you really be present and what compromises do you have to make.”

So, does a work-life balance exist for women in the military community? I learned that the answer depends on what balance means to each individual.

Now excuse me while I go reevaluate what’s in my bucket.

Besa-PinchottiPosted by Besa Pinchotti, Communications Director

These MilSpouse Bloggers Got It Going On!

With more of our family members joining social media, it’s getting easier for military families, like mine, to keep loved ones updated with our lives—especially if OCONUS orders send us overseas. Many military spouses turn to the interweb to document their own military journeys, and many have found their way to blogging.

Blogging has quickly become a great way for military spouses to find others in the same boots, and some online friendships turn into real life friendships. If you’re a military spouse looking for a new way to keep the family updated with stories and photos – try blogging.

And while you’re at it, you have to check out some of our favorite military spouse bloggers:

My Camo Kids: An Army Wife Life
Wife of an Army Infantryman, registered nurse Lora’s blog shares the wild and crazy that comes with having 5 kids, from ages 15 to age 4! She chronicled her husband’s three deployments, and writes about her journey towards becoming a Nurse Practitioner. If there’s one thing we know, it’s that Lora knows how to keep the plates spinning!

My-Camo-Kids-Blog

Embrace the Adventure
Jordan, a deep-rooted southerner who married her college sweetheart, a United States Marine, uses her lifestyle blog, Embrace the Adventure, to do just that: embrace, navigate, and appreciate the unique and fulfilling lifestyle that the military has to offer. With a captivating smile and spectacular photos of her family’s life in the Golden State, Jordan’s blog instantly makes you feel like you found a new friend.

Embrace-the-change

Ramblings of a Marine Wife
If you want humor, Kara’s blog is the first stop. This working mom of two and Marine wife holds an MBA, and a witty take on life. From What She Wore Wednesday posts of her sassy (and dressed-better-than-us) daughter, to sharing all the best details from their family’ tour in Okinawa, Ramblings of a Marine Wife is one to add to your daily reads.

Ramblings-of-a-Marine-Wife

SpouseBUZZ
If you have ever googled anything military related, you’ve probably landed on SpouseBUZZ before. That’s because the Military.com owned site doesn’t leave any topic unturned. From “What not to wear to a military ball” to asking blunt questions, like “Why the low expectations for military spouses?” SpouseBUZZ lets your voice be heard. And we’ll be the first to tell you: all the juicy conversations happen in the comment sections.

SpouseBUZZ

Jo, My Gosh!
Started as an outlet to share the creative care packages she was sending to her then-fiancé during his deployment, Jo, a Navy wife, continues to share her creativeness with care packages. But now, she also gives a true taste of what military life has been like for her, with stories, tips, and a list or two from the now-seasoned military spouse.

Jo-My-Gosh

M.O.M (My Own Moment)…Please!
Jennifer is a Navy spouse, mom of two children, and one crazy English Bulldog. She’s the founder of MilitaryOneClick.com, and blogs about real life: the good, the bad and the ugly (including the time she had to scrub baby poop off her husband’s forehead while in public). So, naturally, sometimes she just wants to scream, “Can I have My…Own… Moment…please!?”

Mom-Please

Who are some of your favorite MilSpouse bloggers? Tell us in the comments!

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Silently Serving: Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and each day, military families face this silent war in their own homes. Over the last five years, the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps, together, averaged just less than 8,000 domestic violence complaints per year. 

And the domestic violence battle rages on, thanks to the rough road spouses face when they report domestic abuse. We urge the Department of Defense to create a better environment for reporting abuse, so spouses can ask for help and know they’ll get it.

Military families shouldn’t serve silently.


For information on Military Protective Orders, or other resources to help, visit: www.MilitaryOneSource.mil, or www.MilitaryFamily.org.

Read more about DoD’s efforts to prevent and treat domestic violence,