Tag Archives: military spouses

Military Spouses Threatened Via Social Media: Where Do We Go From Here?

social-media-apps-on-phoneMany evenings I sit in my car in the parking lot of my kids’ school taking one last minute to myself before the chaos of our evening routine. I take one last glance at my social media accounts and see how others in my life are spending their day. Recently, that meant reading post after post on the latest round of military family “targeting” by those claiming to be ISIS supporters. A friend of mine shared a blog post, written by our friend Amy Bushatz at SpouseBuzz. Amy is one of five spouses quoted in a CNN article about their social media accounts being compromised.

As military spouses, so many of us use our social media accounts to stay connected to our friends and family around the world. Sometimes life is lonely, and I use social media to remind myself that I’m part of a much larger community.

So, what do we do when our connection to our community might be the very thing that puts us at risk?

Shut down? Crawl in a hole? No, we do what our spouses are trained to do – mitigate the risk! How many times has my husband stayed late before a training exercise to work on another risk assessment report?

Here’s how I manage the online risks for my family:

  1. Lock up the privacy settings on my accounts. I don’t want to stop sharing pictures of my kids or husband, but my settings are locked up tight so people I don’t know can’t access my stuff. And I have to check those settings often, because Facebook is always making changes.
  2. Know which other applications have your social log-in information. A lot of websites and applications let you log in with your social media account (Pinterest, for example), but I always make sure to check the application’s privacy settings and only sharing the information I want to have available.
  3. Don’t accept friend requests or followers from people I don’t know. This may sound simple, but I make sure that the people on my friends and followers list are actually people I trust. And think about the channel. I don’t post things on Twitter that can be linked back to my family or the military because I don’t feel like I have enough control over who can see it (plus, I prefer to tweet about The Bachelor).
  4. Don’t reference specific locations in my general profile. This may be a good time to take where you work off your Facebook description and “proud Army wife” off your Twitter bio. I don’t make it easy for people to find me or know my connection to the military through a general search.
  5. Watch out for each other. We’ve all heard “See Something, Say Something,” right? If you see something strange on a friend’s social media, let them know. If you notice someone using “looser” privacy tactics, give them suggestions.

In times like these, our gut reaction might make us want to hide in our house, lock our doors, and tell our spouse it’s time to leave the military. But, we need to remember that people who target us really don’t know what they are dealing with. We are the strong, we are the resilient, and we have a community like no other. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from our military journey, it’s that we take care of each other.

So, tonight, I’ll seize that last minute of sanity in the parking lot. And when I tuck in the kids, I’ll know they’re safe. Because as Amy said in her post “Being afraid doesn’t mean the terrorists won — it’s the living in fear that gives them the victory. I’m not giving them the victory.”

What are your risk assessment tips? Share them with us in the comments!

mandy-culverPosted by Mandy Culver, Executive Administrative Assistant

Lima Oscar Victor Echo: Valentine’s Letters from a MilSpouse

marine-valentines-dayRoses are red,
violets are blue.
I have a few love letters I’d like to read to you.

If you’ve been married to the military for any amount of time, you know there are things you come to love, and many other things you grow to….not love. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here are a few love notes I’m sending this year:

Dear Commissary,
I love the way you make me use those tiny little carts that have no leg room so when I walk, my shins kick the wheel axel and I say bad words loudly in the parking lot. Shopping with you is always a good experience, except around the 1st and the 15th, when all your other lovers come around. You have such friendly employees. I really feel the love when they squint at me after I tell them I can take my own groceries to my car. Most of all, I’m just glad to have you in my life. You’re not perfect all the time, but I appreciate the things you offer me…like accepting all manufacturers’ coupons.

Dear television in the MTF,
I get so happy when you play kids’ shows while I wait for my appointment. You’ve consistently come through for moms everywhere who just need a few more minutes to occupy a mischievous child while waiting for their own appointment or prescription. And you’ve also helped the childless keep a few more minutes of our patience, since said children are occupied and not screaming. Your existence is crucial, and I’m glad you’re here.

Dear awesome female service member,
I’m not sure you’re told this often, but you are so rad. Though you’re often labeled before you can speak for yourself, just know that you have a ton of us supporting you. Riddled by a man-dominated workplace, you still kick butt and take names. And I know you don’t always feel welcomed or appreciated by your coworkers’ spouses, but believe me, just give us a chance, we really like you. Answering the call to serve is extremely honorable, and I’m so grateful for your sacrifice. Girls rule, boys drool.

Dear parking spot reserved for basically anyone but me,
I know its Valentine’s Day, and I should be loving, but really, I don’t like you. I enjoy a brisk walk just as much as the next person, but rarely do I feel endorphins from the ‘exercise’ when having to park half a mile away just to swing by the commissary to get milk. Instead, I feel like a double-crossed lover – filled with bitterness. You’re never filled with a car. Don’t you feel lonely? If others could park their cars there, we’d be so in love with you. But we can’t. So until then, I’m only going to roll my eyes whenever I see you in public.

Dear military time,
I still don’t get you. You’ve stuck around for a long time, and I know you’re waiting for me to love you back, but I just can’t count fast enough to figure out what time it is in military time. 21:00? No clue. Wait. 21 minus 12 equals 9. Right? So it’s 9:00pm? I’m not going to lie to you, my love: I had to count on my fingers to figure that out. I’m not sure it’ll ever ‘click’ for this self-proclaimed math idiot, but because you’re so important, I’m going to keep trying. Will you still be mine?

Dear military support organizations,
Living this life without you would be impossible. You answer questions no one else seems to know. You’re there for me when I can’t figure out what to do next. I love the way you are determined to keep my military family strong, intact, and thriving, despite the obstacles. Knowing there is someone in my corner gives me the warm and fuzzies, and that makes you the best Valentine ever.

Who would you send a ‘love note’ to? Tell us in the comments!

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Military Spouse

military-weddingMarrying into a big family is a challenge. Marrying into one with over 1 million other ‘family members,’ might have you feeling a tiny bit overwhelmed. Why didn’t anyone tell me about the ‘family drama’ before I took the plunge?

One of my favorite things about being a military spouse is meeting people who are dating service members. It reminds me of the time in my life where I didn’t know what TDY, Haz Pay, or PCS meant. I find inspiration in the gleaming eyes of those newly ‘dating the military’ and just for a moment, I remember why I loved dating (and marrying) a man in uniform.

But I really wish someone would have told me about the family drama.

Maybe if they had, I could have prepared myself. So, let me do you a favor; here are 10 things I wish I knew before becoming a military spouse:

  1. There’s no room for Type-A personalities. The military is the only Type-A allowed. Everyone else should just get used to a ‘go with the flow, hurry up and wait, organized chaos’ approach.
  2. The health care might be free, but it’s not always the best. I’m glad to have TRICARE, and I’m thankful for this form of compensation. But other days, I think I’m better off chewing on a piece of bark and popping some Advil.
  3. You’ll never understand why/how the military works. And for those of us who are Type-A, you’ll have to get over the idea of procedures and office policy making sense. It just doesn’t.
  4. Civilian job environments don’t translate to military ones. On those days when my husband vents about work, my natural inclination is to use a civilian workplace remedy. But it just isn’t as simple as ‘talk to his boss,’ or ‘why don’t you just let someone else do it?’
  5. The military doesn’t care about Christmas, anniversaries, or holidays. All the perks of a big happy family…with no presents.
  6. Some duty assignments are worth it all. Spending three to four years at a terrible duty station totally seems worth it when your next assignment is somewhere amazing.
  7. You’ll toy with the idea of staying in or getting out on a monthly basis. Because man, the grass seems so much greener on the other side. So scary and unpredictable, but probably greener. Right?
  8. Your spouse will give everything, and sometimes, they leave with nothing. Whether it’s proper care after being medically discharged, or separating from the military after serving 10 years, only to spend months searching for a job. Our service members deserve better.
  9. Therapy will help. Because PTSD, depression, anxiety, and anger aren’t just things service members deal with. Don’t be scared to get the help you need.
  10. Making friends can be tough, but no one will know what you’re going through like another military spouse. Embrace the chaos and keep on truckin’.

When it comes down to it, I married the person, not the job. So some days, it’s hard not to be resentful of the ‘family’ behind the job. Being a military spouse has given me more than I’ve given it, and I guess that makes the family drama a bit more bearable.

What do you wish you knew before becoming a military spouse? Is the ‘family drama’ worth it?

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Does Pinterest Help or Hurt When Trying to Get Healthy?

yogaI consider the whole month of January to be “Resolution Season.” I didn’t make any real resolutions this year, but I did sign-up to run my first half-marathon with some co-workers in a few months.

Signing up for the half marathon made me think about my exercise habits. And my eating habits. I’ve always loved exercise and eating healthy foods, but work and life get in the way sometimes, and I end up falling off the wagon.

So, to stay on track, I immediately thought of Pinterest. I’ve used it here and there over the years, mostly when I feel inspired to get fit. I use it for workout ideas, recipe ideas, and my new favorite, weekly meal planning. But, does Pinterest actually help? Here are my thoughts:

Help #1: FRESH IDEAS
My favorite thing about Pinterest is there’s always something new and exciting when it comes to cooking; ideas I would have never thought of, or quick and easy ways to make things. I use the search bar to list things I already have at home to see what fun new dish I can make for dinner.

Hurt #1: FAR- FETCHED
The problem with Pinterest is all the elaborate ideas made to seem easy, but are actually ridiculous. There’s no way I could create that project, or recipe at home without breaking the bank.

SOLUTION: Find boards to follow that are realistic. I like to follow a friend of mine, who only pins things she has tried to make herself. It brings reality back to Pinterest and makes you feel better for not being able to make that fancy dessert. No #PinterestFail here.

Help #2: INSPIRATION
Sure, there are plenty of unrealistic pictures of models claiming they workout, but there are also a lot of real-life inspiration stories and workouts that you can find on Pinterest. Scrolling through those pins helps make me feel like I can reach my goals and feel better overall. There are workouts for busy moms, students, yoga in the workplace…you name it! Find the ones that are right for you.

Hurt #2: GUILT
The worst part of Pinterest is the feeling of guilt that washes over you when you don’t have time to cook that fabulous meal, or workout 15 hours a day to look like those unrealistic, Photoshopped models.

SOLUTION: Pick 1 or 2 pins you really want to achieve. Whether it’s a week-long ab challenge, or one nice meal you really want to tackle over the weekend. By avoiding the feeling that you must overdo it, Pinterest will become more of a friend rather than a foe.

Does Pinterest help you reach your health and wellness goals? If so, share your tips with me in the comments!

Jordan-BarrishPosted by Jordan Barrish, Public Relations Manager

Giving Up Control in 2015: My “Let It Go” List

woman-standing-in-the-snowEvery year in December, I lock myself in our bedroom, with a never ending pile of presents and a glass of wine, and overindulge in Hallmark Christmas movies. I stay in that room until every present is wrapped. Don’t ask me why I insist on doing it all at once; somehow, over the years, it’s become a tradition. While wrapping, I reflect on the previous year and look ahead to the upcoming year.

Normally, I’m excited about a new calendar, but this year was different. When I envisioned the year ahead, my chest was tight, I was sweating, and I even felt short of breath. Why? What on earth was happening this next year to stress me out? The answer is simple: I’m wasting energy on guilt, worry, mistakes, and perfection.

So, in the name of our Frozen, winter-loving Elsa, I’ve created a list of five things I’m saying “Let It Go” to in 2015:

GUILT. I have an incredibly powerful guilt complex. I feel guilty for everything. Not making it to one of my kids’ holiday parties, leaving the family at home to go have dinner with a friend, the list goes on and on. Starting a Master’s program, or at least figuring out my plan to get a Master’s, is on my 2015 to-do list—but all the guilt has been holding me back. Can I handle it all? Will I be able to make enough time for my husband and kids? Will my work suffer? Then there’s the immense guilt about putting so much time and effort into something that’s only for me. ALL of this may happen, but it’s a calculated risk my family and I are willing to take. I need to let it go, enjoy the journey, and not look back.

WORRY. I worry about everything – a problem made worse by my role as military spouse. Will my husband get orders to deploy? Will we end up PCSing sooner than expected? Will his year group meet the Reduction in Force board again? These are all things I have absolutely NO control over. So, instead of worrying – you guessed it – I just need to let it go! Make the most of where we are now and tackle each day, one at a time. And if any of these scenarios do happen, I’ll be flexible because we all know change is inevitable in our military life.

MISTAKES. Confession: I am going to make mistakes. The people around me are also going to make mistakes. We’ll forgive and move on. I’m registered for a half marathon, and have my training and diet plan in place. Will I miss a run or two? Will I enjoy dessert or a dinner out? ABSOLUTELY! And everything is going to be fine! Let it go! Life doesn’t have to be perfect.

EXPECTATIONS. Say no, and accept when others say no. It’s OKAY! It’s also okay to say it without a laundry list of reasons why you had to say no. When I say no to something, I won’t worry about others’ expectations. I will accept my decision, embrace it, and (of course) let it go!

ATTITUDES. I tend to allow others’ attitudes affect my own personal happiness, but do you know what? Only I can control my emotions. I shouldn’t let others have such power over my well-being. This year, I won’t over-analyze every decision, and I won’t internalize other people’s displeasure. There’s no reason to! None! Say it with me…I need to let it go.

Will you channel your inner Elsa in 2015 and just let it go? Tell us about it in the comments below.

Lyndy-RohePosted by Lyndy Rohe, Communications Assistant

Hold Your Applause: A Military Spouse’s Take on ‘American Sniper’

American-Sniper-movie

As new parents, we take every opportunity we can to go see movies, and when American Sniper was released, we quickly bought our tickets ahead of time. On day of the show, we shoved snacks in my purse (shh!) and headed to the theater. I brought tissues, and cursed the fact that I didn’t wear waterproof mascara that day. I read the movie was intense and may be hard to watch at times, so at least I was prepared an emotional rollercoaster—and the movie delivered.

As a military spouse, it was hard to watch. But strangely enough, I didn’t end up using the tissues. When my husband was in Afghanistan in 2008, he called me from an MWR phone room, not on a satellite phone from a fire fight. I didn’t hear gun shots and people yelling on the other end of our phone calls. He wasn’t in danger in the same way Chris Kyle was, and I’m thankful for that.

Later, my husband told me about near-misses and close calls, but nothing compared to what Taya Kyle endured on the other end of that phone. ”How could Chris put Taya through a phone call like that?” I asked my husband, “Why call your wife when you’re being shot at?” He stoically responded “Most likely, he wasn’t thinking of it like that at all. It could have been the last time he talked to her.”

I also didn’t endure the hardship of being pregnant while my spouse was deployed, nor have I had to raise our 1-year-old with a father gone much of the time, or suffering from PTSD. My husband has been an awesome partner in her care. To the spouses forced to do much of it alone: you are my heroes.

American-Sniper-the-movieMy husband had a different take on the movie. He’s lost close friends in these wars. He’s attended far too many memorial services in his decade of Army service. One of his closest friends from ROTC was killed in her Humvee just weeks before she was slated to return home. And when I first met my husband in 2007, he was wearing the black KIA bracelet with her name on it …a name that would later become our daughter’s middle name.

As the movie ended, there were photos of Chris Kyle, his family, his brothers in arms, and his memorial service. My husband told me this was the hardest part of the movie for him to watch. The theater was completely silent as people filed out. We left the theater once the actual credits began to roll, still in complete silence, wrapping up our trash as quietly as possible.

That silence is what has stayed with me. I’ve seen movies where the audience applauded at the end, so I wondered how moviegoers would show respect for this story at the end of this film. Applause just didn’t feel right. A moment of silence out of respect for Chris Kyle was so much more impactful. And, if #AmericanSniper tweets are any representation, it seems that’s the way it’s been throughout much of the country.

Though the story was incredibly tragic, ultimately, it’s serving a purpose: educating our country about the dangers of PTSD. Though we were all silent as we exited the theater that day, we must not remain silent on this important issue. If you know someone you think may be suffering from PTSD, please support them in finding help. Say something and possibly save a life.

Have you seen American Sniper? How did the movie make you feel? Tell us what you thought of this amazing film in the comments below!

Melissa-JudyPosted by Melissa Judy, Social Media and Brand Manager

Cupcakes to 10K: The Fitness Struggle is Real

fitness-and-cupcakesMy husband is in the Army, and because he’s not in a job that requires him to do regular PT, he does CrossFit to stay in shape. He ran the Army 10 Miler last year with barely any training, and he prepares things like salmon and quinoa for dinner pretty regularly. It’s safe to say, he’s definitely fit.

I’ve always hated working out. Cake and I are best friends for life. The office I work in has a giant bowl of candy (usually chocolate) refilled often, and conveniently located near my desk. Office celebrations typically involve doughnuts and cake. Have I mentioned I love cake? And last year, I had my first child. So yeah, I’d say I’m a little fluffier than I’d like to be, but I’m still trying to set a good example for my daughter, who currently loves peas and blueberries; two foods I really don’t eat.

This year I’ll (attempt to) run my first 10K race. I’m doing it with sorority sisters who don’t live close to me, so to stay motivated, we text each other about our training. I’ve only ran 5K races before, so I’m definitely nervous the loser bus will pick me up before the finish line, and I won’t get to take a selfie with that shiny medal. I can see it now: I’ll be in my Cinderella costume, complete with tutu, guzzling water at each and every station, in an effort to NOT die. I really hate running.

Each year, I tell myself this is the year I’m going to work out all the time and eat kale …which is gross no matter how much you do to it. But somehow I manage to convince myself I’m not that unhealthy, even though I’m constantly sucking in my stomach and avoiding any clingy clothing. Recently, a woman behind the counter at a local deli actually asked me if I was pregnant. “No,” I said, “I just love cake.”

So is this the year, finally? I still don’t know, it’s too early to tell. With each run I take, I feel my lungs stretch a little more, and it’s slowly becoming easier. The sparkling water I drink, instead of my beloved Coke, tricks my brain into thinking I’m drinking soda, and most veggies are good if you dip them in hummus.

Ultimately, it’s a battle I wage with myself each day. No one else but me. Even though my husband sees this slightly ‘fluffy’ body and whistles with pride, it’s me who must be happy with the woman in the mirror. No amount of bulky sweaters and draping fabric will make me feel healthy. Feeling healthy will take work and discipline, both of which take more time than putting on camouflaging clothes.

Work and discipline are values my husband holds dear, and I know he’ll be an excellent person to lean on when I want to get a cupcake AND macarons.

Did you make a New Year’s resolution to get healthy? How did you stay motivated? Leave me a comment with your tips!

Melissa-JudyPosted by Melissa Judy, Social Media and Brand Manager