Tag Archives: military spouses

Know a military spouse? Here are 6 suggestions on how to show your appreciation!

Posted on May 10, 2013 | 3 Comments

Know a military spouse? We've got suggestions on how to show your appreciation!Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day! Whether you are a military spouse or not, often times people are not sure how to thank spouses for their dedication and sacrifice. It’s easy to acknowledge and thank a service member, but how do you thank those who hold down the fort, raise our Nation’s children, and keep our service members in the fight each and every day? They don’t wear a uniform, but they serve too.

Well, we’ve got you covered with some help from our dear friends! Chris Pape, founder of Macho Spouse, provides his tips on appreciating our male military spouses and Alice Swan, blogger at DCMilitaryFamilyLife.com, offers her advice on how to pamper our female military spouses.

Got A Male Spouse You Want to Thank?

Chris Pape shows us that the best way to show appreciation for a male military spouse is to keep it simple, genuine, and acknowledge that they are out there!

Neighbors: Do you live near a military family where the serving member is female? If so, congratulations! You’ve found the rare breed of male military spouse. The best way to “appreciate” this man is by not embarrassing him with lavish gifts, but maybe just a simple hand-shake and “thank you.” If you’re inclined to do more, we appreciate beer, nuts, chips, bacon, and beer. But again, a simple thank you and appreciation for all we’ve sacrificed for our wife’s career is more than enough.

Family: We would appreciate just one day free from jokes about how our wives “wear the pants/boots” in our family. Maybe stop by the house and watch your grandchildren for a few hours, or a phone call to simply ask how we’re doing. A genuine conversation about how we survive this crazy military lifestyle can go a long way.

Community: A “Male Military Spouse” appreciation day that includes fishing, golf, brewery tour, visit to Home Depot, and a baseball game would be great! There are a million simple ways to appreciate any military spouse, and we are grateful for all of them. However, the men just ask that you’re conscious of both genders that serve as military spouses.

Got A Female Spouse You Want to Appreciate?

Alice Swan helps us realize that small things can make a huge impact with the ladies!

Neighbors: Do you live near a military family? You could drop off a plate of cookies, a restaurant gift certificate, or a casserole on Military Spouse Appreciation Day to recognize the sacrifices that spouses makes on behalf of our Nation.

Family members: Is your daughter, son, sister, brother, niece, nephew, etc. married to a service member? A card of thanks and encouragement would be a wonderful gesture. So few of us get meaningful mail anymore, so what a great surprise it would be to find a note of support in the mailbox.

Community: Churches could offer a Spouse Appreciation “Night Out,” providing free child care, or a Spouse Appreciation Breakfast or Tea. Local businesses could offer special discounts to military spouses. Wouldn’t a spa day be a great offering by a local salon?

In addition to these awesome ideas, the National Military Family Association created free Military Spouse Day eCards that you can customize for the military spouse in your life. Send an eCard to show your appreciation today!

How do you show appreciation to military spouses? As a military spouse, what has someone done in the past that meant a lot to you?

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Military spouse motto: I’ll see you when I see you!

Posted on May 8, 2013 | 1 Comment

Military spouse motto: I'll see you when I see you!There are many things to get used to when you are introduced to the military. There is the “hurry up and wait,” the “probably won’t call you for a week,” the “it’s out of my control,” and my favorite—“you will see me when you see me.” Let it be known that my husband and I appreciate food on our table. Matt is honored to be a part of the Coast Guard and I am right there with him. However, I would be lying if I said everything ran smoothly all the time. In fact, just writing that statement made my nose grow.

Us support spouses learn from the beginning that we need to remain calm and flexible when making schedules for the family, fun, and travel. I had a very hard time learning this concept. Matt would tell me that he would be home one day and by the next day, he would find out he wouldn’t be coming back for another two days. Or the ship was due to pull in at 10 am and then didn’t show up until 6 pm. Or we’re set to go on week-long vacation and he is kept back two days for inspections so our little trip is delayed. I have been told before that he will be home a week early just to see him a week after his arrival date. So, I decided to stop asking.

Matt thinks it is a control thing with me. But, I am willing to bet that other spouses would like a definite answer on when their husbands or wives are coming home. It is about planning and the excitement of seeing one another again. We get our hopes up at the prospect of meeting them at the dock and our first embrace since they left the house. From the moment our spouses leave, we are counting the seconds until they are home. It would just be nice to know when they are actually coming home.

So, after many disappointments, I learned that I will see my spouse when I see him. My advice is to stop looking at the clock. Try to keep busy. If you are anxious and bored, that is your issue, not your spouse’s. Too many times I see people get angry with their spouse about scheduling and arrivals. It isn’t worth it to be mad at someone who has no control over the situation either. We confuse excitement with anger and then the arrival is ruined. Learn to accept the choice we made to marry into the military and know that this is how it is. It’s our way of life and we’re stronger because of it.

Posted by Rebecca Brinkley, Volunteer with the National Military Family Association. A version of this post originally appeared on Rebecca’s blog I Know It’s Tough.

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Advocacy on Capitol Hill: a military spouse’s perspective on speaking up for her own

Posted on April 18, 2013 | Leave a comment

Advocacy on Capitol Hill: a military spouse's perspective on speaking up for her ownFor more than 44 years our staff and volunteers, comprised mostly of military family members, have built a reputation for being the leading experts on military family issues. I had the pleasure of joining the Association’s Government Relations team last summer when my husband and I PCSed into the Washington D.C. area. As an active-duty military spouse, I have a vested interest in our unique population and hope to shed light on just one exciting facet of this position.

Currently, I am working with the offices of Senator Bob Casey (D-PA), Senator Jerry Moran (R-KS), Representative Matt Cartwright (D-17th/PA), and Representative Rob Wittman (R-1st/VA) to support legislation titled Military Spouse Job Continuity Act. This legislation provides a tax credit to a military spouse to offset the cost of a new state-required license after a government-ordered move. Not only do we support federal legislation, but we also work to support military spouse licensing on the state level. Our Association believes that state legislation can expedite the employment process and Congress can alleviate the financial burden with a tax credit.

Looking at my portfolio for the Association, I focus on quality of life issues that pertain to military spouse education, employment, credentialing, financial literacy, commissaries, exchange, relocation, housing, and military construction.

I truly enjoy working with different Congressional offices to discuss issues of importance to military families. The past several weeks have been very busy! I have had the unique pleasure of visiting Capitol Hill to meet with Congressional staff from Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Colorado, Georgia, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Mississippi, New York, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. Our Association’s accomplishments have made us a trusted resource for families and the Nation’s leaders. I look forward to visiting and working with other Congressional offices to ensure that our military families are taken care of and help communicate the stories that we hear from military families that are located around the world.

Continue to follow our Association’s advocacy work on our website, here on our blog (subscribe at top right!), and our Facebook and Twitter pages.

ccPosted by Christine Gallagher, Government Relations Deputy Director at the National Military Family Association

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Tips for PCSing with your professional license

Posted on March 20, 2013 | 3 Comments

Tips for PCSing with your professional licenseMilitary spouses move 14% more often than their civilian counterparts, making it difficult to maintain a career. As an active duty military spouse, I can certainly understand the challenges of frequently moving and finding a fulfilling career at a new duty station. The National Military Family Association hears from many military spouses who face career challenges, especially with professions that require a state license.  Although state licenses and certifications are in place to meet a certain level of competency, the difficulties that spouses face in obtaining these credentials often mean a delay in employment, additional out-of-pocket costs, lengthy background checks…the list goes on!

Recently, First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden announced renewed efforts to streamline state licensing requirements for returning veterans and mobile military spouses. To date, there are 28 states with legislation that assist military spouses with license portability, but there is still a long way to go. The National Military Family Association has provided several support letters urging states to pass this needed legislation.

Finding employment can positively affect not only a family’s financial situation, but also the professional development many spouses yearn for. Since PCS (Permanent Change of Station) season is right around the corner, here are a few tips and resources for military spouses who have a career that requires a license:

Visit our website for more information on Spouse Employment.

Are there any additional resources you would add to the list?

ccPosted by Christine Gallagher, Army Spouse and Government Relations Deputy Director at the National Military Family Association

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Tips for using the Post-9/11 GI Bill: get ready for some paperwork!

Posted on March 6, 2013 | 2 Comments

Tips for using the Post-9/11 GI BillOne of the key factors to pursing your educational goals is to decide how you will pay for your education. Military spouses have several opportunities to help offset the cost of school, including private scholarship programs, federal loans and grants, MyCAA, and transferability of the Post-9/11 GI bill.

When I decided to pursue a graduate degree, my active duty service member decided to transfer a portion of his Post-9/11 GI bill to me. As of August 1, 2009, service members who have served in the Armed Forces for six years and agree to serve an additional four years, are eligible to transfer their benefit to a spouse. My spouse was eligible to receive 100% of this benefit. In my situation, the benefit pays full tuition and fees directly to the public in-state school I attend. I also receive a yearly book stipend of up to $1,000, prorated based on the number of credits I take. I am not eligible to receive a monthly housing allowance because I’m using the benefit while my husband is on active duty and he currently receives a housing allowance for our family. (Private school tuition and fees are capped at a national maximum rate. For the 2012 – 2013 academic year the private school cap is $18,077.50.) But these are my circumstances – how can you make the Post-9/11 GI Bill work for you?

Transferring the Post-9/11 GI bill takes time. Be prepared to work with your spouse to complete quite a bit of paperwork. While your spouse is on active duty, he or she may apply to transfer their benefit to a spouse, child, or children. Your spouse must submit a Transfer Educational Benefit request for Service approval. This may take several weeks to process. Once approved, the family member using the transferred benefit must apply to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)  by using form 22-1990e found on the Veterans On-Line Application (VONAPP) website. The VONAPP website is a bit clunky to use. After you create a username and password, you’ll need several important pieces of information to complete this form including: your educational history, name, address, degree program for the school you’ve selected, and bank account information (for direct deposit for the book stipend and/or living allowance).

I waited (patiently) for about five weeks before I received a “certificate of eligibility.” At the same time my husband received a letter notifying him that the VA had received the Transfer of Entitlement (TOE) application and that by applying for TOE he revoked his eligibility for other GI bill programs, such as the Montgomery GI Bill.

I then submitted a copy of my certificate of eligibility to my school’s VA-certifying official. Next, I registered for classes and then the VA-certifying official certified my enrollment with the VA. Certifying enrollment was about a four week process. Your school will only receive funds after your enrollment (which really means registration) has been certified. You may have fees added to your account if you do not pay your tuition by the tuition due date. My school was familiar with the VA’s process and waived all extra fees on my account.

I did drop one class during the add-drop period. Even though I was within my school’s add-drop period, the VA had already sent my tuition to the school based on the classes I was registered to take. About six weeks after my semester started I received a letter from the VA stating they had overpaid my benefits and I was now responsible for the debt. I sent this letter to my school’s VA-certifying official and my school will send the funds back to the VA. If there is an over-payment  you are responsible to repay this debt to the VA.

My tips for effective use of the Post-9/11 GI bill are:

  • Apply for the benefit early – it takes several weeks to process.
  • Bookmark the www.gibill.va.gov website. Contact information and the FAQ section are especially helpful.
  • Get to know your school’s VA-certifying official (your school may have a designated VA office).

The ability to transfer the Post-9/11 GI bill has afforded me the opportunity to attend school. I plan to be a good steward of this benefit and am looking forward (in the distant future) to completing my Master’s degree!

Are you using the Post-9/11 GI bill? What advice would you give to military families on how best to use this benefit?

Keep in mind that rules are not the same when transferring a benefit to a spouse vs. to a child. Please see www.gibill.va.gov for official information and details specific to your situation.

katiePosted by Katie Savant, Government Relations Information Manager at the National Military Family Association and USC Sol Price MPA candidate

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Guest Post: How the Five Love Languages saved a military marriage

Posted on February 14, 2013 | 1 Comment

Guest Post: The Five Love Languages - National Military Family Association blogValentine’s Day is the one day each year designated to celebrate love. For many, it’s highly anticipated. The chocolates, the flowers, the romantic, dim-lit dinners without kids—all something we (especially women) look forward to. Who doesn’t love romance and attention? Unfortunately, our relationships and marriages are not always in the best condition so to speak. If you are like me, the military lifestyle began to put my marriage through the ringer. Not on purpose, of course, but deployments, crazy hours, and TDYs certainly didn’t help. As the military lifestyle started wearing on me, both my husband and I let it wear on our marriage. Communication ceased and left us living like roommates with our marriage tearing at the seams.

Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity to receive assistance on the Oprah show from Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, a New York Times bestseller. His insight on relationships and marriages is brilliant. With the help of Dr. Chapman, my husband and I were able to see what was tearing us apart and obtain the skills to piece our marriage back together.

We all need to be loved and have certain ways that we express our love, but the problem is that your spouse might not feel loved by the way you show it. Most likely, you are not speaking their individual love language, you are speaking yours. Have you ever gone to another country and the people spoke a different language and it became frustrating when you could not communicate effectively? That is how it is in our relationships. We normally use our own love language to communicate love and affection even if it isn’t necessarily our spouse’s love language. This approach can leave you tired and frustrated – I know it did that to me! But there is hope.

Dr. Chapman says there are five love languages that we use:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

His book teaches you how to speak your spouse’s love language, and who doesn’t want to learn how to make their relationship with their spouse better? It can be fun and exciting learning how to relate to your spouse, especially if their love language is physical touch (wink, wink). With the help of Dr. Chapman, my husband and I are now better able to communicate. We can’t let the lifestyle that we military spouses endure affect our marriage!

Learn your spouse’s love language and how to express it to him or her. Marriage is beautiful and coming together for a common purpose with a partner that loves and cherishes you is incredible. It is a rocky road sometimes, but learning how to communicate effectively will make your marriage stronger and unstoppable. Speak one another’s language and feel the success in your marriage that will come from it.

Do you know what your love language is?

Posted by Amber Turner, Air Force spouse, hippyfitmom.com

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Military spouses with professional licenses: we need your feedback to improve the process

Posted on February 13, 2013 | 17 Comments

Military spouses with professional licenses: we need your feedbackWe all know it – between frequent moves, maintaining the household during a service member’s deployment, and providing strength and support to the entire family, military spouses make sacrifices every day. Their service to this country is invaluable and such an important part of the success of our military.

These sacrifices often include a spouse’s career. We often hear that many of you face career challenges due to frequent moves, especially with professions that require a license.

The National Military Family Association has worked in partnership with the Department of Defense State Liaison Office to address state licensing issues to ensure military spouses can pursue their careers regardless of the number of times they have to move. We were asked to reach out to see if state legislation has impacted your professional career in a positive way. If you have a story or experience to share, tell us the following information:

  • What is your spouse’s branch of Service?
  • What is your professional affiliation?
  • Have you applied for a license in your current state using new legislation? Which state?
  • Have you benefited from spouse licensing state legislation?
  • Was it a positive experience? If so, please tell us why!

We look forward to sharing your positive experiences with state legislators so more states can support military spouse career portability!

To obtain more information about state-specific licensing, review our 50 State Licensing Chart and see where your state stands.

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We fight for military families: the Association’s 2013 priorities, Part 2

Posted on February 6, 2013 | 2 Comments

We fight for military families: the Association's 2013 priorities, Part 2Yesterday we covered how we determine our legislative focus for the year. Today, Part 2 in our series on explaining our priorities for 2013.

This is the time of year we develop our list of priorities to share with policymakers. What needs to be done to make the benefits and programs that military families depend on more responsive to their needs right now and for the long term? What can the Department of Defense (DoD) do to improve or refine military family access to health care and mental health support? How can the schools our children attend better serve the needs of a mobile population in a time of diminishing school budgets? Why doesn’t the expansion of spouse career opportunities go hand in hand with quality, affordable child care? What support does a grateful Nation owe wounded service members, their caregivers, and the survivors of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice? How can DoD help those service members and families who are transitioning to civilian life?

Here’s the first part of our list of priorities – the priorities we will address to Congress, the Department of Defense, and the Services. Not all issues need to be addressed by legislation. Sometimes Congress asks for a report on how a program is working or to find out how a specific need is being addressed. While DoD may have policy jurisdiction, Congress – through language in the National Defense Authorization Act – can mandate that DoD take a certain action. That’s why we address these priorities to both Congress and DoD.

  • Ensure families of all seven Uniformed Services have timely access to high quality, affordable health care and a robust TRICARE benefit.
  • Enhance military families’ access to the medical and non-medical counseling they need to recover from the stress of long years at war. The progress made in lessening the stigma associated with seeking behavioral health care is threatened if service members and families cannot get help when needed.
  • Mandate tracking and reporting on military family member suicides. Anecdotal reports indicate the number of military family suicides is growing. We cannot address the problem until we know its extent.
  • Ensure that a robust, responsive system of reintegration support for families still trying to reconnect or deal with the effects of wounds, injuries, or illnesses is accessible across Services, components, and geographic locations.
  • Provide equal eligibility of benefits for caregivers of wounded, ill, or injured service members and veterans across all seven Uniformed Services and from all wars. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) and DoD caregiver benefits don’t mesh and many caregivers lose the support they need just when they need it the most.
  • Ensure better cooperation and accountability between the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs at the highest levels in the support of transitioning wounded, ill, and injured and care givers. The lack of a seamless transition between agencies still exists and must be corrected.
  • Protect the commissary benefit by continuing the annual appropriation to support the system at its current level. Commissaries provide an important benefit for military families as well as a good deal for the taxpayer. Oppose attempts to consolidate the commissary and exchange system.

Do these resonate with what you are experiencing as a military family? What are your priorities for Congress and DoD for 2013?

Tomorrow’s post, Part 3 in this series, will look at the rest of our priorities for 2013. Read Part 1 here.

kathyPosted by Kathleen Moakler, Government Relations Director at the National Military Family Association

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We fight for military families: the Association’s 2013 priorities, Part 1

Posted on February 5, 2013 | 5 Comments

We fight for military families: the Association's 2013 priorities part 1It’s always nice to know you have someone in your corner, someone you can count on who understands where you are coming from, someone who knows what your life is like, and who will stand beside you as you try to make life better for you and your family. The National Military Family Association is in your corner – in fact, our highest priority is to fight for military families.

We fight to ensure programs and benefits critical to the well-being of military families – our families – are authorized, funded, and implemented to be there when you need them. We know how important they are in maintaining your family readiness and empowering you to meet the challenges of military life.

Each year, at the beginning of the Congressional session, we gather information we have heard from you and develop a list of legislative and policy priorities that we will promote and advocate for on your behalf. Some of these priorities we will bring to the attention of Congress – those items that need legislative changes, updates, or fixes in order to better meet the needs of military families. Some priorities we bring to the attention of the Department of Defense (DoD), the Department of Veterans Affairs or the Services, to recommend changes to policies or regulations to better serve military families.

We use these priorities as a basis for the testimony we prepare for Congressional hearings every year. You can find examples of testimony from previous years on our website. Our testimony is not just a list of requests. We use our testimony to share your story – the story of the Nation’s families. We talk about the importance of the foundation of benefits and programs that military families depend upon: quality, accessible health care; behavioral health support; spouse career opportunities; good schools for military children; quality, affordable child care; a secure retirement; and unwavering support if wounded, widowed, or orphaned.

We talk about what is working for military families – the programs and resources meeting the needs of families most effectively. How do we know? We hear from you. We talk about how programs need to be flexible and accommodate the diversity of military families – whether they are far from the flag pole in recruiting duty or the family of a citizen soldier who lives nowhere near a military installation. We also remind Congress that effective support for military families must involve a broad network of government agencies, community groups, businesses, and concerned citizens. DoD and the Services cannot do it alone.

In our next two posts in this series we will explain and outline our Association’s specific priorities for 2013. Read Part 2 and Part 3 here.

kathyPosted by Kathleen Moakler, Government Relations Director at the National Military Family Association

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Military spouse education: the costs, the options, and whether it’s right for you

Posted on January 30, 2013 | Leave a comment

military spouse educationThe same story is told throughout military communities and within military support systems—military spouses are hard pressed to find employment. PCS moves are frequent and jobs come and go. Luckily there is a way to help combat the unemployment woes. Education.

Not only will a higher education increase the chances of employment for military spouses, it will contribute to your family’s financial well-being. A study from CollegeBoard.org reports, “the typical bachelor’s degree recipient can expect to earn about 66% more during a 40-year working life than the typical high school graduate earns over the same period. Higher earnings are one of the important outcomes of higher education. Average earnings for adults increase with years of education and particularly with degree completion.” Higher education degrees are now more accessible to military spouses thanks to distance learning programs.

The education community has shifted in favor of military spouses. Many private and public universities offer reputable degree programs online, an attractive option for mobile military spouses. Distance learning can also be more flexible when it comes to your military family calendar. Find additional information on pursuing a degree in higher education in our website section on spouse education.

One necessary price I know of that comes with education is the cost of tuition. To alleviate the inevitable costs of higher education, military spouses have options. Visit your installation’s Family Center, Education Center, and the financial aid office at the school you wish to attend for more information on financial assistance. Various military associations, including the National Military Family Association and some military spouse clubs, offer scholarships for military spouses. If eligible, you can use a portion of your service member’s GI Bill or apply for government funding through MyCAA.

The National Military Family Association is made up of many military spouses like me, so we know firsthand the importance of military spouse education and the difficulties that come with achieving higher education due to moves and expenses. If you’ve been following us on our website or social media, you know our Joanne Holbrook Patton Military Spouse Scholarships are awarded to spouses of all Uniformed Services members and applications are live online now. The application deadline is TOMORROW, January 31st – there is still time to apply here!

I truly believe an education outweighs the cost that comes with more schooling. As a military spouse, my education has broadened my career options and allowed me pursue opportunities that would not be available if I did not have a degree.

Are you starting or continuing your education? What challenges have you faced in doing so and what resources have worked for you?

alliePosted by Allie Jones, Military Spouse Scholarship Program Manager at the National Military Family Association

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