Golfers Gathered to Help Stamp Out Stigma for Military Families

 

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It’s not every day a compassionate group of 130 golfers get together in a 105 degree heat index to support military families.

Beacon Health Options, the nation’s premier behavioral health management company, is in their 3rd year of hosting the Stamp Out Stigma Golf Outing. This year, the National Military Family Association was honored to be chosen as the recipient of the funds raised to help Stamp Out Stigma.

These golfers were not only wonderful to meet, but they were all passionate about making sure that service members and their families know it’s okay to talk about their mental health.

We are so incredibly thankful to have been a part of such a special day. Thank you to our amazing friends at Beacon Health Options, WellPoint Military Care, UBS, AEGIS. Net, Inc. and all the sponsors who helped make the day such a huge success.

Jordan-BarrishPosted by Jordan Barrish, Public Relations Manager

5 Ways to Savor “The Lull” of Military Life!

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Over the past few years, military life has afforded our family many changes and calamities. We have survived a deployment, reintegration, and we moved across the country (again). We have closed up shop at one duty station and set up our lives in another new town. We have spoken countless goodbyes, unpacked all of our worldly possessions, and felt the sting of loneliness being new in unfamiliar, uncharted territory.

After one full year at our current assignment we have nested, settled, and established our lives in our professional, educational, religious, and social communities. And here we are now at what I call, The Lull.

A lull, as defined by Merriam Webster, is a “temporary calm, quiet, or stillness.” In military life, The Lull is a phase of time that can feel hard-fought and hard-won. Much of the time, life in the military demands that we live in fight-or-flight mode. For many of us, we almost forget how to live during the downtime; life without furious activity feels unfamiliar and awkward.

For the past handful of years, circumstances have conditioned my husband and me to function on little time together, a “B.L.U.F.” (Bottom Line Up Front) style of communication, and to be honest, a tendency toward a frenzied and often frazzled atmosphere in our home.

At our current assignment there are no deployments, few TDYs, and for once, my soldier has some pretty regular and predictable hours. Thankfully, there have been no late nights, no middle-of-the-night crises, no separations, no time in grueling training or study for school, and we have nothing else to unpack or organize.

I am finding myself at a loss with how to behave with all of this sacred family time. Instead of becoming hyper-vigilant about the next hard thing on the horizon, I’m choosing to focus this season on savoring The Lull. This rare period in our family’s op-tempo is a perfect time to refocus and refresh a few areas our lives.

Here are my 5 suggestions for savoring The Lull.

1. Make your marriage your mission
Just like any military mission, our marriages need a clear focus and goal. If having a dynamic relationship with your spouse has taken a hit during times of stress, now is the time to address it. During this respite, re-calibrate what matters in your relationship. Spend some intentional time together. Set aside time to really connect. Maybe that looks like a regular date night, going to a marriage conference or retreat, seeking professional counseling, or incorporating a nightly practice of sitting together and reflecting on the day’s blessings. However big or small, the investment in your relationship, as a couple, will help to establish patterns for defining your priorities.

2. Let your home be a place of rest
As a typically Type-A person, I tend to focus on making our home run on efficiency. With cleaning schedules, chore-charts for the kids, meal plans, and regular family budget-meetings, I can turn our home into a process-driven, tightly-run ship. As military spouses, there are times when that level of competence is a necessity. In certain seasons, resolute organization is the only way I stay mission ready. During The Lull, some of that compulsiveness should be traded for rest. Structure is good, but so is taking a breather. I want our home to be a haven of refreshment for my soldier, myself, and our children. We aim to savor meals around the table, have family game nights, enjoy the scenery our current duty station affords, and we especially enjoy quiet when can find it.

savor-the-lull--pinterest3. Let this be your time
During a deployment or PCS, you may not have the flexibility to focus on your own needs. Often, the needs of the military, your spouse, or family comes first. During The Lull, it is the perfect time to find your groove. Take up knitting or photography, learn a musical instrument, practice yoga, join a book club, get a part-time job, or enroll in a college course. If you find yourself in a situation where there’s a bit of a reprieve from the demands of the typical military hustle, use the time to fill up your own tank. None of us can run on fumes! As human beings, we aren’t built for long periods of physical, emotional, or mental stress. Take this time to make sure you are finding the stillness, rest, recreation, or relief you need.

4. Find community
John Donne once said, “No man is an island unto himself.” This adage is certainly true in military life. Were it not for unit wives, auxiliary ministry groups, social media, and real-life friends, I don’t know that I’d survive the madness of what our military duty asks of me. This is true during times of tension and strife, but this is also true during The Lull. It’s vital to our marriages and families to find connection with others. Invite the neighbors over for a barbecue, join a church, connect with others in your town who share hobbies or interests. It may feel natural to hunker down at home during a time of reprieve, but we all need a network of camaraderie. Go out and find your people!

5. Remember your “why’s”
Those of us in military service have dozens of varying reasons for our affiliations. To some, it’s a steady paycheck, a strict sense of patriotism and pride in our great nation, and to others it may even be a calling to protect and defend. There’s no better time than The Lull for you and your spouse to recall your motivations for serving. Call to mind why you got started, recollect your high times and victories, revive that sense of purpose, and determine your strengths for going forward, intentionally. It will be this sense of significance that will anchor and sustain you, your marriage, and your family when the going gets tough. Being principled in your convictions goes a long way in maintaining positivity and resolve.

The Lull doesn’t seem to come around often. But if, like me, you find yourself in the midst of some downtime and don’t quite know how to respond, savor it!

What do you do when you’re in The Lull? Share your thoughts with us!

claire-woodClaire Wood writes about her own struggles to make sense of military life at elizabethclairewood.com and she has recently released her faith-based book for military spouses, Mission Ready Marriage. She enjoys reading, early morning outdoor walks, trying out new recipes, and hosting friends and family in her home. Claire is married to Ryan, an Army Chaplain. They and their three children are stationed at Fort Gordon in Augusta, GA. 

“Yes, and…”: Mastering Military Life Through Improv!

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Did you know that as a military family, you have all kinds of improv talent? Wait. Don’t stop reading! Recently while re-reading comedian Tina Fey’s book BossyPants. I learned about improvisation.

She details her time at Chicago’s The Second City Theater, where improv was perfected. Not sure what improv is, exactly? Tina describes improv as being on a stage with your partner, with one person initiating a conversation. The other person must agree with the initiated conversation, then respond with “Yes, and…”

The “Yes, and…” signifies to both participants that the scene can continue. You are committed to the scene, and forward momentum of the conversation is set in motion. Often times, improv has odd situations, funny dialogue, funny faces, and lots of laughter. These are just the first two rules of improv, but they really got my attention; to accept the forward momentum, then reply with “Yes, and…”

To me, the scenario of being on a dark stage with a partner, having a conversation in public going in an unknown direction sounds terrifying. But it also oddly familiar.

It occurred to me that most families–especially military families–live some kind of improv every day. And most of us are experts. Think about it: we’re often in situations where we’re in the dark about something (a move, a deployment, etc.), and there we stand with our spouse, waiting to start the dialogue that will move us forward. Usually, it’s the service member who starts the conversation, as they often have the orders causing the rest of the family react with (you guessed it), “Yes, and…”

But some “Yes, and…” responses vary based on the situation. We might have to fight back some tears, and a bit of fear when faced with a deployment, or a move to an unfamiliar place, but we say finally do accept and say, “Yes, and…”

I once said “Yes, and…” but cried while driving away from a beloved duty station, dear friends, and a job I loved. Not exactly a safe way to operate a vehicle, but it’s necessary to continue the scene. Sometimes our “Yes, and…” comes with excitement so hysterically funny that it’s almost YouTube-worthy. I’ve been there, too!

Sometimes, the “Yes, and…” involves a really long pause and a lot of silence as you think about what the right “Yes, and…” is for your family. Maybe you need to stay where you are while your service member is assigned to another duty station for a year. Maybe your “Yes, and…” looks very different from someone else’s. That’s okay.

What’s important is that you say “Yes, and!”

Don’t stop the dialogue. I guarantee you will be laughing at some point…probably at yourself.

What was your hardest “Yes, and…” moment? Tell us about it!

Ann HPosted by Ann Hamilton, Volunteer Services Coordinator, East Region

Everyone’s Moving But Me: How to Make the Most Out of Someone Else’s PCS

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We’re deep in the throes of peak PCS season, and the energy among the military spouses around me is electric. Facebook groups for spouses are lighting up with questions about which side of town is best, which cable company to use, and which school their little ones should go to. Some have even found their new neighbors through a very scientific experiment called Seven Degrees of Separation.

Then there’s me.

Still here. Not moving. Saying goodbye to friends. Seeing the start of another crazy adventure for those receiving new orders. And it feels lonely.

I willed myself back to reality, knowing our orders would be coming down the pipe in another year, but in the meantime, I couldn’t help but think about whether anyone else ever felt this way?

Left behind. Alone and disconnected, even in the midst of a flood of new people, new adventures, and new possibilities.

So, I decided to make a list of things I could do to make the most of someone else’s PCS.

Meet Your New Neighbor
Whether you live on post, or out in town, you’re bound to see the moving truck roll around this summer. And even if you’re feeling lonely because a friend moved away, take this chance to introduce yourself to the new family in your neighborhood. This seems like a no-brainer, but I’m constantly reminding myself of this. I’d previously been shot down when I walked over on move-in day and introduced myself to my own new neighbors; they said hello, but have never spoken to me since. And that’s okay. I choose to be welcoming, happy, and hopeful.

Set Up, Then Put Down
Some commands and units are a revolving door of new families checking in. Others, like ours, welcome a new group each fall. Whatever the schedule is for your unit, take advantage by setting up a time to invite someone new to coffee, an FRG meeting, or out for a playdate. Then put your phone down! Make every intention of being present and emotionally available to your new potential friend—it makes a difference. You’ll leave an impression with that new spouse of being caring, engaged, and welcoming. (And it almost always guarantees another hang out!)

Invite Yourself to Things
This one has been hard for me. I’m the type who waits to be invited, rather than invites herself. Partly because I think it’s respectful, and partly because I’m scared of someone telling me I’m not invited. Honestly? The chances of someone saying that are slim, so put yourself out there and ask to tag along if you know a few spouses are doing something fun! Inviting yourself can be intimidating, but it serves a dual purpose—it can take away the fear someone else might have for meeting new people, and it immediately breaks down barriers others might have in wondering if you’re outgoing and friendly (which you totally are!).

Dive into Your Community
Once your MilSpouse friends move away, and you’re feeling like your social circle just got a little smaller, consider taking a turn in the opposite direction from the military. Get out and find organizations, groups, and networking circles within your community to branch out. Sure, military spouses can relate to your home life, but having non-military friends can open a whole new world, and most of those game-changing friends are in your community. Try out a volunteer corps, food pantry, or professional club, and see what interesting people you meet!

Being left behind during PCS season doesn’t have to be leave you standing in the haze of exhaust from a departing moving truck. It can be a new season for you, too. All you have to do is get up and welcome the new adventure.

Are you a left-behind friend during PCS season? How do you make the most of it?

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Calling All Bloggers! Share Your Story on Branching Out!

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It’s no secret—military families have collected their fair share of stories, experiences, and traditions throughout their military journeys. We know you’ve got plenty of tips, tricks, pictures, and laughable moments up your sleeve. That’s why we want you to be a guest blogger!

Our blog covers all areas of military life, including PCS moves, raising military kids, spouse employment, military marriage, and the tough stuff—like transition, being a caregiver, and even divorce.

Think you’ve got awesome blogging skills and want to share your journey with other military families? We’d love to hear from you!

What works:
Inspirational stories – we want readers to jump out of their seats because they were moved by your journey. Sharing personal stories, hardships, or humor can be just what someone needs to relate to you. Don’t be afraid to amaze and inspire!
Original content – We will not publish content that has already been published elsewhere on the web. We aim for authentic and unique content!
Well-written content –Your writing should reflect your individual voice! So if you feel excited, let us know! Had a hard time with a recent PCS? Express that in your writing. Great blog posts will grab the reader and keep their attention through awesome details!
Topics about military families or military life – We are 100% military family focused, so make sure your submission is, too! Are you a company looking to share a resource? Great! Use your original content to tie back to the military community, and keep in mind: our subject matter experts will review any resource prior to posting.
Sending your own photos – Pictures are the best! And we want to share yours! Make sure images are appropriate, clear, and don’t violate OPSEC or PERSEC.

What doesn’t work:
Incomplete, unedited articles – Always be sure to proof read your work before submitting it. If you’re unsure if something is well-written, have a friend or family member read over it and give their thoughts!
Inappropriate content – No profanity, graphic, obscene, explicit or racial comments will be accepted. Make sure you aren’t oversharing, or violating OPSEC or PERSEC! If you’re submitting photos, please be sure they are tasteful.
Advertisements – We don’t promote any business or organization we are not in direct partnership with, and we do not offer advertisements on our blog; however, we do have advertising opportunities through our mobile app, MyMilitaryLife. Please email App [at] MyMilitaryLife [dot] org. Please keep external links to a maximum 3 links.

How to Submit:
Email your completed article to Blog [at] MilitaryFamily [dot] org. Because Branching Out is 100% military family focused, we will review each submission to ensure it aligns with our content strategy. If it does, you’ll receive an email from us to let you know your article will be published. Please allow us some time to respond – our little fingers type as fast as possible!

Blog submissions must include:
First and last name
Contact email
Service affiliation and location
250-700 words per post
Headshot or clear photo of yourself

The Fine Print:
Sharing is caring – We want your original content, but that doesn’t mean you can’t share the link on your own website after we’ve published your submission! Share like crazy!
Editing and adapting – We reserve the right to edit and adapt your guest blog content as we see fit.

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

GIVEAWAY! Every Week Should be as Awesome as Shark Week!

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Shark Week on The Discovery Channel is underway and we’re pumped! Being a shark must be tough (with the whole ‘no friends’ thing) but we know it’s even tougher being a military family, and we want to celebrate you by giving away some awesome Shark Week swag!

Enter below for your chance to win Shark Week swag bags, including some of the gear pictured here, and don’t forget to tune in to Shark Week on The Discovery Channel!

Contest ends July 12, 2015 at 11:59pm EST.

Sorry, no sharks are allowed to enter the contest.

ENTER HERE!

My PCS has Gone Bad…Now What?

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In the peak of summer, military families are immersed in the chaos of the Permanent Change of Station (PCS) cycle. This process involves so many moving parts; it is amazing that it works as well as it does. Military Surface Deployment and Distribution Command (SDDC) is the executive agent for the Department of Defense’s (DoD) Personal Property Program. SDDC recommends diligent planning, attention to detail and flexibility for a smooth move. Our Association even has a fantastic smart phone app, called MyMilitaryLife, that does all the hard work for you! But we all know things go wrong, even with the best planning, and most flexible parties. SDDC’s website is a great starting point for links to everything that follows. Bookmark it, write it down, and make it your friend!

Even though we are on the downswing of peak PCS season, we still get questions on the “rules” about moving. US Transportation Command’s guide can be useful, with information from weight limits, to the hours your packers should be at your home. For questions about what can be moved to how, it is a great guide.

Most people are now moving using the online Defense Personal Property System via Move.mil instead of going through the Personal Property Shipping Office (PPSO, aka PPPO, TMO or TO) to arrange their PCS move, but you can still find your installation PPSO. By using the Move.mil website portal, you can stay informed of where you are in your moving process, along with access to your Transportation Service Provider (TSP). In most cases, you will want to contact your assigned TSP as your first line of defense with any complications that arise. However, you can also email, phone, or submit help tickets directly to SDDC via the Move.mil website portal.

If you are in the middle of the moving process and something goes wrong that costs you extra money (for example, your packers don’t finish in time and the movers are delayed, causing you to incur extra costs because you can’t leave as scheduled) you can file an Inconvenience Claim. This would be done through your TSP via Move.mil. Your claim must be reasonable and the costs must be directly related to the newly created hardship, and you must be able to provide receipts to support your claim. If you have trouble with an inconvenience claim through your TSP, you can contact the PPPO or Military Claims Office to assist in the settlement process. We sometimes hear the claims process can be cumbersome, but there are a lot of resources on the Move.Mil website portal to help you understand the process. Check out their guides and tutorials available.

If your problem is related to your Privately Owned Vehicle (POV), get in touch with the contractor moving your vehicle, International Auto Logistics (IAL). If your vehicle has not been delivered and the Required Delivery Date (RDD) has passed, you are entitled to reimbursement for a rental vehicle. The military will cover up to seven days at a rate limited to $30 per day that expires upon the date the POV is delivered. Any car rental required beyond seven days will have to be submitted to IAL. They will review claims for temporary lodging and rental car expenses due to a missed RDD via their website.

  • For damages to your POV, you need to contact IAL to file a damage claim. 1-800-389-9499 or email claims@ialpov.us.
  • For IAL’s customer service, email customerservice@ialpov.us.
  • For more assistance on POVs, you can reach the USTRANSCOM POV Inspector General Customer Support Team at usarmy.scott.sddc.mbx.pov-ig-reponse@mail.mil.

After your move, you want to make sure to fill out the Customer Satisfaction Survey. The scores you provide help determine whether or not the TSP you used will continue to ship for DoD families. Good or bad, your feedback matters.

Don’t forget that all of these resources and quick links are at the touch of your fingertip through our innovative, perfect-for-your-military-journey, smartphone app, MyMilitaryLife!

Have you used any of these resources? What questions do you have about PCSing? Share them, and your experiences, in the comments!

Brooke-GoldbergPosted by Brooke Goldberg, Government Relations Deputy Director