Category Archives: Military spouses

Geo-Bachelorhood: Six months later

geobachelorEarlier this year, my family and I had a difficult decision to make. My husband had received orders that would take him to an installation about three hours from our home in Virginia. In the past, a new set of orders simply meant a new home town, no questions asked. We packed up the kids, said goodbye to friends and neighbors, and set off on our new adventure.

This time, however, we paused. We worried about the effect of moving the kids now that they are in middle and high school. We wondered if we would be able to sell our house or find a renter. And I asked myself if my career would ever recover if I had to give up yet another job. So after a lot of discussion and a lot of soul-searching, we decided that – for now at least – the kids and I would stay behind and my husband would become a geo-bachelor.

Now, it’s six months later, and while we’ve had our good days and our bad days, on the whole we’re managing. While I would never say that we have everything figured out, we have learned a few lessons over the past few months that have made geo-bachelorhood more bearable.

When we decided the kids and I would not move to the new installation, I worried about how I would manage everything on my own. Surprisingly, though, that hasn’t been our biggest challenge. As an experienced military family, we are accustomed to long separations, the kids and I slid easily back into our old routines. Every weekend, however, those routines were upended when my husband came home. It took a while for all of us to adjust our expectations and learn to enjoy our time together.

The first lesson I had to learn was to give Dad some down time. After a week of holding down the fort single-handedly, it’s tempting to meet him at the door with a honey-do list in one hand and the carpool schedule in the other. In fact, my husband jokes that I seem to think he comes home just to walk the dog and take out the garbage. And it’s true that when he’s home the kids and I are more than happy to let him handle some of the household chores that we take on in his absence.

But, although it’s easy for me to forget while I’m juggling kids, work, and housework, my husband’s schedule is demanding too and he deserves a chance to relax a little bit on the weekend. Raking the leaves can wait (for a while, at least)!

Another challenge has been fitting in family time. Our kids are busy with friends and activities. Between soccer games, sleepovers, and babysitting gigs, we sometimes found that a weekend had passed and Dad had barely seen one or both of the kids. We’re pleased the kids have so many friends and so much to keep them busy – it’s part of the reason we chose to stay here, after all – but time with Dad is important too.

We try to find time for him to spend one-on-one with each of the kids, even if they’re just riding along with him on a quick trip to the store. It also helps that he makes an effort to stay connected to the kids even when he can’t be here. Regular phone calls and texts throughout the week let the kids know that Dad is still involved in their lives even though he can’t be here every day.

Like so many aspects of life in the military, geo-bachelorhood isn’t easy. We were faced with a difficult choice, and are trying to do what’s right for our family. Some days are easier than others, and there are certainly times when I second guess our decision. So far, we’re making it work. We’ll see where we are this time next year!

Are you navigating geo-bachelorhood? What are your tips?

eileenPosted by Eileen Huck, Government Relations Deputy Director

Sending Holiday Cheer to Service Members: Part 2

This month, we are featuring your letters of love and encouragement to service members in your life. Do you know someone who could use some holiday cheer? Deployed, or at home, let us help you share your love and gratefulness to a service member! Kids can join in, too! Send your letter with a photo to blog@militaryfamily.org.

AJKChristmas

Dear Andrew,

We are so blessed that you will be home to celebrate Christmas with us this year! As we know all too well, so many families aren’t as fortunate. Your dedication to our family and our country inspires me every day. I am so proud of you and the career that you have chosen in the United States Army!

All my love, Lauren


sebastianDear Matt,

Throughout our military life together, the thing that always makes me most proud is to see you set goals for yourself, and work hard to achieve them. Your character and leadership is second to none, and I am lucky to have you. Thank you for taking me on this journey, I’ll get the hang of it one day! I love you, and I love the heart of service you have for your country. You are amazing!

Love, Shannon

 

How do you show the service members in your life that you appreciate them? Tell us below!

Send Holiday Cheer to Service Members!

The holiday season is in full swing, and while most of us are keeping the home front warm and cozy, we remember the brave men and women who are protecting our Nation at home, and abroad. No one wishes for peace on Earth more than military families. While we can’t make every wish come true, we can support the ones who wish. Join us this holiday season, in sending well wishes to our service members.

During the month of December, we’d like to feature you and your service member by allowing you to share a holiday message with them. Do you know someone who could use some holiday cheer? Deployed, or at home, let us help you share your love and gratefulness to a service member! Kids can join in, too!

spc-verlanderDear SPC Verlander,

You know all we want for Christmas is you. Well, Christmas is just going to have to come a little late for us, but that’s OK. We don’t care if it’s December or August. It just won’t be Christmas for us without you, but we’ll be brave while everyone else celebrates. We miss you and cannot wait for you to come home! So proud of you babe! Love you so very much!!

-Mandi

Share your message by emailing it to us at blog@militaryfamily.org. Feel free to send a picture of the service member you’re writing to! ‘Tis the season!

Shannon-SebastianPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Online Engagement Manager

The Disney World of Jobs: Dreams do come true!

shannon-sebastian-jacey-eckhartIt’s not every day that the “perfect” situation presents itself – especially in a military family. No perfect deployments, no perfect PCS moves, holidays, or long term plans. In military terms, “perfect” is when the barber doesn’t mess up your husband’s haircut, or when the movers don’t break your favorite serving dish while moving your belongings from duty station to duty station.

In most cases, the term “perfect” doesn’t apply to jobs for military spouses. In fact, the words “perfect job” and “military spouse” are hardly ever in the same sentence.

Four months ago, I was convinced that what it meant to be a working military spouse meant I would always have to settle for whatever job I could find in the area around where we were stationed. Settle for less money than I deserved. Settle for just going to a place other than my house for 8 hours a day. Settle for doing work that didn’t bring me joy. Settling meant the dream job remained just that…a dream.

When my husband and I moved to our current duty station in May 2011, it took me six months to find a job. As a working military spouse, we get used to the idea that our resumes will most often look…schizophrenic. You’ll see everything from retail store manager, to receptionist, to business owner, to stay-at-home mom. All within a two year span of time.

I applied for more than 80 positions in those six months. Ultimately, I accepted a position in a field I was familiar with and had a few years of experience doing. After a few weeks there, I would dread waking up on week days only to go to a job that I considered a dark, dark abyss of crushed dreams and accepted failure.

Yes, I was bringing home a paycheck, and I was thankful to have a job. Believe me, I was very thankful. The military doesn’t pay for everything, as you know. But I thought this was what it meant to be a working military spouse. We take what we can get, right? We are resilient. We make the best of the worst situations, right?

In February, I saw something on Facebook that I hoped would change my life.

“Are you in need of a career makeover? Are you in driving distance of Washington, D.C.? SpouseBUZZ is looking for spouses who want a career makeover at our Spouse Summit on April 12. Interested? Email your career story and/or resume to us!”

spouse-buzz-summit

I saw the advertisement for Military.com’s Spouse Summit, a conference for military spouses to support each other in the most important topics of military life: Love. War. Kids. Work. Transition.

Work? Why, yes, I’ll take all the help I can get in that area.

Prior to attending, I stepped out of my comfort zone and shared my career troubles with Military.com’s Director of Spouse and Family Programs, Jacey Eckhart. Before I knew it, I was speaking in front of a room full of career specialists, professionals, and peers in a session focused on career struggles of military spouses.

At the end of the ‘career makeover’ session, a few representatives from the National Military Family Association approached me, introduced themselves, and gave me all the information they knew about spouse education scholarships, spouse employment, and even mentioned that the Association was hiring. For a blogger, no less! They were so bubbly, friendly, and genuinely cared about sharing information.

They told me about a magical place where people actually enjoy going to work. A place where they like the people they work with. Apparently, in this magical place, military spouses can thrive in careers they love while reaching out and helping other military spouses and families!

A few months later, I was hired by the National Military Family Association as the Online Engagement Manager. Part of my job (get this!) is managing this blog!

All of the things I put on paper at the Spouse Summit were coming true.

Working with the military community? Check.

Portability? Check.

Great office environment with an awesome boss? Double check.

Whether your perfect job is to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or bake zero-calorie cupcakes all day long (please bring me some), enjoying and loving the job you do makes all the difference.

I never thought I’d find a “perfect job.” I figured this was my sacrifice in our military family. But now I know differently. When the perfect anything comes along, it is not by chance. It’s put in front of you for a purpose. What you choose to do with it determines whether you were worthy of it to begin with.

You are worthy of your perfect job. Now go and get it!

Have you ever stepped outside of your comfort zone and had something awesome happen? Leave a comment and share it with us!

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Online Engagement Manager

Same-Sex Spouses: Welcome!

same-sex-military-coupleIt’s been over a month since same-sex spouses could register in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS) and receive a brand-new military family member ID and all the benefits it encompasses.

We have heard of the overwhelming welcome that these just-recognized military spouses have received. We have also heard of their pride in their new-found recognition as a military spouse.

In case you haven’t heard, once a spouse is enrolled in DEERS, he or she is eligible for the whole array of military benefits.

The most important benefits to most service members and their spouses are:

  • Military Family Member Identification Card
  • TRICARE health care coverage
  • Dependent-rate housing allowance
  • Eligibility for the family separation allowance
  • Ability to move off base to live with a spouse
  • Command-sponsored visas
  • Access to military installations and facilities, including: commissaries, exchanges, and Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) centers; Family Center programs
  • Joint Duty Assignments
  • Access to legal assistance

The spouses of service members may also invoke the protections of the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA), which provides certain protections from civil actions against service members who are called to active duty.

While military affiliated same-sex married couples are protected under Federal law, there are some states that don’t recognize same-sex marriage and may create stumbling blocks in accessing state benefits or services.

A recent example includes the refusal of National Guard armories in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Mississippi to issue military ID cards to same-sex spouses because same-sex marriages are illegal in those states.

You should also check on other state legal requirements such as those associated with adopting biological children, or limitations to joint home-ownership. There may also be problems with accompanied assignments to countries where homosexuality is illegal.

The information landscape is in a state of constant change so check back with our website, and the Military Partners and Families Coalition, for updates.

New military spouses – welcome! Consider this your symbolic swat with the saber. And know that we are here to provide you and your military family the same helpful information and resources that we have been offering to all military families for more than 40 years.

kathyPosted by Kathleen Moakler, Government Relations Director

Got Baggage?

baggageOn any given day, I carry anywhere from 4-5 bags to work.

On my right shoulder, there’s my purse, which contains everything I hold dear—my phone, my money, a diaper, a small package of wipes, and my keys (if it’s a good day).

On my left shoulder, there’s my computer bag, which weighs an estimated 15 pounds. And no, I’m not exaggerating. Next to my computer bag strap, rests my workout bag. Yes, I bring my gym clothes to work. If I don’t strategically plan my exercise time to land between the time I leave work and the time I go home, I will never get to it.

Then there’s my lunch bag. This is not just any ordinary lunch bag; it has three compartments and an ice pack for my many small meals.

Sometimes, I go home with more bags than I came with. Bags full of clothes or toys for my kids from my generous co-workers. Or, bags with information and promotional items from conferences.

There are many moments where I feel like I’ll be buried alive by all of my “bags.” You know—the purse, which is really everyday life. The computer bag— the reality that work and family constantly overlap. The gym bag, making “me” time despite the insanity. My lunch bag, which I’d like to say contains only healthy and smart choices, but really is the fuel that keeps me going.

Not long ago, I had an additional bag—my school bag. I was one of those working adults, with a small child, who decided to go back to school to continue my higher education. This was not an easy or inexpensive decision, but it was the right decision for me and my family.

I am not a military spouse, but like many of them, I attended several colleges and universities before finally getting the chance to finish my degree. It took me a total of 3 schools and 9 years to have my diploma handed to me.  My school bag was the symbol of my future.

Suffice it to say, I have a lot of baggage, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I know there are people out there who would give anything to carry some of the bags I do. Our bags symbolize who we are and the many life paths we travel.

We need to remember that these same “bags” have been carried by many before us who have put resources in place for our benefit.  If you’re a military spouse and you’re looking for information to make your load a bit lighter, look no further.

Visit our Spouse Employment section for job tips and our Spouse Education site for steps to help you attain your education goals.


What about you? What bags do you carry every day?

hannahPosted by Hannah Pike, Communications Deputy Director, Online Engagement

Friends All Over the World: Hawaiian style

hawaii-1Moving in the military can be difficult, especially when you have to leave good friends behind. One of the benefits about being a military family is the likelihood that wherever you decide to visit or move to, a friend is nearby.

Recently, a friend of mine got married in Hawaii, and I made the trip there to attend. Because my friend lives in Oklahoma and my family is stationed in Virginia, I rarely get an opportunity to see him. This wedding was going to be the perfect opportunity to see some old friends from my hometown as well as some other special friends who I had not seen in quite some time.

Hawaii is an amazing place to host a wedding or enjoy a vacation, but it’s also the home state of an Army Infantry Brigade and two of my fellow military spouses and close friends are currently stationed there.

Hannah is a friend I made near Ft. Campbell, KY. Our husbands were both deployed and we leaned on each other for support and companionship. Our friendship was important to both of us, especially during some of the tougher days we faced while waiting for our husbands to return from war.

hawaii-2

Fortunately, I was able to spend some time with Hannah while I was in Hawaii. We
laughed and caught up on each other’s lives over some fruity drinks by the hotel pool. Because of her familiarity with the area, she took me to a quiet, local beach for the day. It was great to see her and her sons again!

Another military friend, Ronya, had only moved to Hawaii a couple weeks before I arrived. Her family had not received military housing yet, and was staying at the Hale Koa. It’s a military resort on the ocean and is absolutely beautiful! After finishing some shopping around the area, I stopped by Hale Koa and was able to re-connect with her.

On my final day in Hawaii, Ronya, myself, and friend from my hometown, went hiking at Manoa Falls. I never would have imagined when we met years prior, Ronya and I would someday be hiking in Hawaii!

Military life is always changing, and making friends can be difficult for some, knowing that you’ll eventually be separated again. Just remember that it’s not really “goodbye” but instead it’s “see you later,” and if you are lucky, that “later” just might be in Hawaii!

Amanda headshotPosted by Amanda Anderson, Content Manager, MyMilitaryLife