Category Archives: Military Families

Is Cyberbullying a Sign Our Military Community is Imploding?

military-cyberbullying

Why are service members making it a point to create hateful, misogynistic jargon online about military spouses? And what makes military spouses turn on each other creating the same?

By now you’ve probably seen the op-eds in Task & Purpose, and the Washington Post, declaring a ban on ‘entitled’ veterans, active duty service members, and their families. I’m sure you’ve read the counterparts to these articles in the Huffington Post, and on Military.com.

Anti-bullying campaigns have been around for quite some time, and an overwhelming number of them just don’t work. They aim to ‘fix’ the bully, and ‘teach’ the victim with an overarching theme reminding us we’re just doing it wrong–we’re just existing wrong. (Read: when we don’t stand up for ourselves, we become victims. When we stand up for ourselves, bullies emerge to fight back.)

Bullying stops when an environment is positive, supportive, and enriching, and when character and value are promoted.

I think that’s where the mess happened; our environment shifted, and we had to fight back.

Since September 11, 2001, 2.5 million military families have seen a loved one deploy, 600,000 service members have been wounded, and nearly 7,000 lives in our all-volunteer force have paid the ultimate sacrifice.

Add in Sequestration, force reduction, and politics, and you’ve all but knocked out our military and their families cold.

Those who once supported our nation, and this military, have quieted. Flags that used to be as bright as the sun that shone upon them, are now torn, faded, and walked upon in protest.

The bigger picture is this: military families don’t feel entitled.

We feel unappreciated, ignored, stuck between a rock and a hard place, not supported, and now, hated. With nowhere to turn, our community has imploded, finding acceptance and support by picking apart each other, and the network that has long supported our service members: military spouses.

The internet is full of viral videos of veterans and active duty service members calling out others who illegally impersonate a military member in uniform, and controversial Facebook groups which exist to target unsuspecting military spouses by making fun of them.

The viral videos and hateful social media groups have given others a pass to rip into anyone who ‘impersonates’ anything. Ask the Washington Post and Task & Force op-ed authors what they think of military spouses, like me, they’d say we’re ‘impersonating’ service members in our own way: by declaring our own sacrifices, demanding support from our government, and by wearing our husbands’ rank for power.

In such a climate of hatred, it’s hard to see the ones who are trying to clean up the mess. We ignore the spouses who are receiving death threats for asking people to stop the tormenting. We mock the spouses who are trying to disbar the ‘Dependapotamus’ stereotype by pursuing higher education, getting their own insurance (gasp!) through full time employment, and who are being recognized by the White House as Champions for Change.

Yet, nothing seems to be good enough to make the cyber-bullying stop.

What we need are positive, supportive, enriching communities who are steadfast with their loyalty, and encouraging even in times of stillness. Our military and their families need to be reassured that we are accepted, wanted, and appreciated.

That’s not ‘entitled,’ or high-maintenance. It’s human nature. Calling us entitled is adding fuel to the fire. We ferociously defend ourselves, only to be met by more hate, name-calling, and follow up articles putting us in our place.

Instead of making a military spouse feel ostracized for not knowing the TRICARE handbook, respond positively, and share a resource. Rather than laughing when a young spouse admits they’re having trouble making friends, be their mentor. And for those service members who call us ‘Dependas,’ ask yourself where that hate is coming from and remember that we are here to support you.

It’s up to us to clean up the mess, military community. If we don’t provide ourselves with the environment we want to live in, how will anyone else?

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Why Do I Serve Military Families? They’re My Family, Too.

welcome-home-troops-girl-with-signGrowing up, you always hear stories about soldiers and their families. You see them on TV, in movies, or commercials, but it’s not until someone you love becomes a soldier that you really understand what it means.

That’s how it was for me until I was 15 years old, when one of my cousins, Michael, joined the Marine Corps. The United States had been at war for a couple of years and I remember, perfectly, the day of my cousin’s first deployment to Iraq. I was on vacation with my family and I remember thinking, here I am with my family on vacation while Michael was on his way to war. It didn’t seem fair. That’s when I finally understood what it meant to have a love one be a member of the military.

Two years later, one of my brothers, Chas, joined the Army National Guard right out of high school. This was no surprise to us; since we were little, we always knew he was going to join. Two years after that, my other brother, Brian, joined the Army National Guard; which was a big surprise for my family.

My brothers had always been the most important men in my life, but when they joined the military, they somehow became even more important to me.

In 2011, both of my brothers were deployed to Egypt and my cousin, Michael, was on another deployment in the Middle East. I remember saying goodbye to them, watching all the other families say goodbye to their loved ones, just before those buses drove away. I felt so far away from them and was having a hard time dealing with it. There was a feeling I couldn’t explain to anyone, and that never went away. I also saw how difficult it was for my family during that year when both of them were gone. That summer, while they were still deployed, I decided to take an internship at The Reserve Officers Association to try and feel closer to them. It worked, not only did I feel closer to them, but I felt that I was doing something for them.

The military changes your family dynamic. When my brothers joined the Army National Guard, it felt like I gained a lot more ‘brothers,’ and not only that, but their families became my family, too. That’s when I realized what I wanted to do: give back to service members and their families–who have given up so much to protect this country. Over the past few months I have been asked the question, “Why did you decide you wanted to serve military families?”

The answer is an easy one for me: they aren’t just military families, they are my family.

Who do you know that serves in the military? Honor them with a small gift, today.

Patricia-CPosted by Patricia Contic, Government Relations Legislative Assistant

Memorial Day: All Gave Some, But Some Gave All

“Memorial Day is hard… It hurts more than any other day. I can’t exactly say why, other than the obvious, but there is something about it that I just, I feel.”  –Antonette Hornsby, Gold Star spouse

It’s been three years since Antonette’s husband, CW3 Brian Hornsby, died after his helicopter was shot down over Afghanistan. Those who die in service to our country leave behind more than their legacy–they leave behind a family. This Memorial Day, before the barbeques and parades, take a moment to remember the men and women who have given their lives for our freedom.

For families like Antonette’s, today is more than just another day. Remember CW3 Hornsby, and all the other lives lost in service.

Together We’re Stronger.

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Win a FREE Photo Session for Your Military Family!

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In honor of Military Family Appreciation Month, we’ve teamed up with 25 amazing military spouse photographers to bring you the contest to beat all others! You’re not going to want to miss out on this opportunity!

We’ve got photographers in all corners of the world, ready to offer you a free photo session for your military family! Yes – we’re talking to you, in Germany, and you, in Japan! And entering is as easy as a few clicks. If you’re near any of these locations or installations, we want you to enter!

All of these amazing photographers are military spouses donating their time for this awesome contest. Stop by their websites and like their Facebook pages to check out their work!

Colorado Springs, CO:  Reflections by Rosie Photography
Fredericksburg, VA:  Jessica Green Photography
Washington, D.C.:  Tiny Sparrow Photography
El Paso, TX:  Julie Rivera Photography
Montclair, VA:  Judith Lovett, Photographer
Des Moines, IA:  Britney Brown Design Photography
Newport, RI:  Ellie Lynn Photography
Jacksonville, FL:  Amy Hensley Photography
Pensacola, FL:  DJENNphoto
Sangdahlem AFB, Germany:  Little Bit of Life Photography
Joint Base Lewis-McChord, WA:  Simply Immaculate Photography
Naples, Italy:  Athena Plichta Photography
San Diego, CA:  Ashley Langtry Photography
Taunusstein, Germany:  Little B Memories
NAF Atsugi, Japan:  Lina Elyse Photography
Ft. Leavenworth, KS:  Patton Portraits
Charleston, SC:  Haley Hickman Photography
Ft. Hood, TX:  April Kroenke Photography
Huntsville, AL:  Vanderport Designs
Monterey, CA:  Momma Mea Photography
Oahu, HI:  Tabitha Ann Photography
Maine: Neola Photography
Ft. Rucker, AL:  Emily Grace // Photography
Ft. Drum, NY:  Wunderkind Photography
RAF Lakenheath, UK:  Danielle McCown Photography
Ft. Polk, LA:  Chaque Bonne Memoire Photography

Are you ready to win? ENTER HERE!

Entries are being accepted until midnight on May 31, 2015. Winners will be selected June 1, 2015.

Have trouble viewing the entry form? Visit our Facebook page and click the “Enter to Win!” tab.

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager

Is War From the Homefront Sabotaging Military Marriages? ‘Good Kill’ Says Yes.

Good Kill trailer image
Last night, I attended the D.C. premiere of the new Ethan Hawke-January Jones movie, “Good Kill,” about Air Force pilot turned drone operator, Maj. Tom Egan. If you’re interested in drones, you’ll learn a lot from this movie—but what hit home for me was how this service member’s high-stress job impacted his relationship with his wife.

As a drone pilot, Maj. Egan often kills dozens of people, watches the aftermath on the computer screen, then drives home to his wife and kids. The film explores how the emotional stress and responsibility of being a drone pilot creates a wedge between his wife and him. Mostly, he shuts down. “It’s not about the security clearance, I just don’t want to rehash it.” But when he does confide in her he admits, “I feel like a coward every day.”

Their marriage heads south fast, due to his internal struggles, alcoholism, and anger management. In one scene, they talk about how things were so much better when he was actually flying planes over Afghanistan for months at a time. “It was scarier back then, but at least we made each other laugh.”

In the Q&A following the movie, I asked Ethan Hawke and Director Andrew Niccol why they chose to depict the relationship that way. Niccol said that’s what the drone pilots he interviewed experienced. As he explained, there’s no time to decompress; they can’t compartmentalize; their family doesn’t understand what they’re dealing with on a daily basis, or how – even though they’re technically “home”—they can’t be available in the same way other non-service members are.

There’s a scene in the movie when Maj. Eagan sends a last minute text saying he can’t pick up their kids from school.

“You promised,” his wife reminded him. “And I had an appointment today.”

“Was your appointment life or death?” he asked. “Because mine was.” He had been assigned—at the last minute—to keep a group of soldiers safe by watching them through a drone camera so they could get some sleep.

That part of the movie hit me like déjà vu. I was taken back to my first year of marriage. It was Valentine’s Day and we had plans. I’d made a candlelit dinner and a handmade book chronicling our first year together. There I was in Jacksonville, North Carolina waiting for my Marine to come home and celebrate. Hours later, sometime after 10pm he came home apologizing, but there was nothing he could say. I was hurt and enraged. He begged me to understand, saying a life-or-death situation kept him at work. One of his Marines had attempted suicide in the barracks and nearly succeeded, and he was dealing with the aftermath—the hospital, the NCIS agent, the rest of his Marines. Meanwhile, I was dealing with the fact that he didn’t call, text, or come home on Valentine’s Day.

The line between the battle front and the homefront is blurred, and military life is hard on families. Let’s remember to care for all of our military families, whether that service member is deployed or at home.

As “Good Kill” shows us, we don’t know what burdens they may be carrying.

Can you relate to this movie? How do you deal with the unexpected changes in military life? 

Besa-PinchottiPosted by Besa Pinchotti, Communications Director

We’re Listening! What’s Happening in Your Military Community?

navy-family-says-goodbyeWorking directly with military spouses is one of the awesome things we get to do at the National Military Family Association; we get to listen to their concerns and bring their voices to the forefront of the minds of our nation’s leaders to help make change happen.

Last week, we had two opportunities to bring groups together and talk about what our military families need.

On Tuesday, we hosted a group of senior spouses where our Government Relations team provided an overview of the Military Compensation and Retirement Modernization Commission report and the 2016 Defense Budget. This was the perfect opportunity for these senior spouses to discuss what they’re seeing in their own military communities. Families’ access to health care–especially for those families who have special needs–and child care are concerns in many of the senior spouses’ communities. Hearing these struggles from a ‘boots on the ground’ perspective is extremely important in continuing NMFA’s mission of advocating for, supporting, and strengthening military families.

On Thursday, we were lucky enough to host a magnificent group of students from the University of Southern California (USC) School of Social Work in our Alexandria, Virginia headquarters. These social work students are pursuing the ‘military track,’ and intend to use their education to assist and work with military families and communities. Our Government Relations and Youth Initiatives teams joined other staff to share some of the struggles that military families face when dealing with mental and behavioral health needs. The USC students shed light on where they see the social work field headed, and how they hope to impact military communities in the future.

We are always grateful that we’re able to engage with military families, and those who support them, at a grassroots level. Getting direct feedback from spouses and experts in the community is what allows NMFA to continue being a voice and resource for military families.

What are you seeing in your community? How can we help to make the lives of military families better? Posts your suggestions in the comments below.

Jordan-BarrishPosted by Jordan Barrish, Public Relations Manager

Red, White, and Zoo: If the Military Were an Animal

chesty-usmcEver thought about the mascots representing our military service branches? I wondered, so I did a little research to find out what each of them are like, and if they truly embody the branch they represent. Like Bill the Goat, beloved mascot of the Navy, or the Army’s awesome…mule? The falcon, bear, and bulldog seem strong, like the Air Force, Coast Guard, and Marine Corps, respectively.

But the more I started reading, the more I reflected on how I picture the military. As soon as an animal would come to mind, I started self-evaluating my choice. What does it say about me if I think the military is a deadly Great White shark, ravaging anything in its path? Am I prideful, or am I regretful of my military journey?

I asked a few military spouses, veterans, and active duty service members to tell me what animal they thought accurately represented the military. Surprisingly (and ironically) enough, we could start a legitimate zoo with all the different animals.

Let’s take a stroll around the ‘United States Military Zoo,’ shall we?

Work Horse
One military spouse described the military as a work horse – deprived and overworked. This species may have been a beautiful Arabian at one point, exuding beauty and prestige. Now, it’s just fallen on hard times.

Lions and Tigers
Another military spouse stood proud, claiming the military takes on the life of a tiger, with regal stripes as badges of honor, and a vibe that’s cool, calm, and collected…until it strikes and becomes deadly. Similar to the tiger, an active duty service member claims the military is definitely a lion: a symbol of strength, taking what it wants, when it wants. RAWR.

Eagle
A Marine Corps veteran was quick to tell me the military is best represented by an eagle; a beautiful, tactful, strong predator, always involved in ‘wars.’ Unfortunately, this species is currently on the endangered species list…much like the career service member.

Chameleon
Like this agile, one of a kind creature, one spouse considers the military to be much like a chameleon due to its uncanny ability to change frequently, at the drop of a hat. Most military families will agree – this is one of our super powers, and gosh, it can really be beautiful, can’t it?

Fox
This species most resembles the military, says one spouse. It’s cunning, clever, intense, adaptive, and regal; qualities that undeniably describe our armed forces.

Honey Badger
Pegged as one of the most deadly animals on the planet, the honey badger is what another spouse says her life has been like being married to the military. “It does what it wants, with no regard for anyone (or anything else). And it’ll kill you if it wants to.”

I can see qualities of each of these animals in my own military journey. Some days, I would definitely go so far as to say it’s taken on the honey badger role – leaving me feeling defeated and rocked to my core, wanting out. Other days, I get a lump in my throat watching someone thank my husband for his service, or hearing the National Anthem at a sporting event. Those days, the eagle fits just perfectly. So, does the animal we choose say anything about the person who chose it?

I don’t know, but it’s a zoo out there.

What kind of animal would you say embodies the military? Is that animal telling of your military journey? Share it with me in the comments!

shannonPosted by Shannon Sebastian, Content Development Manager