Parent Pride: Being the Parent of a Gay Service Member

american-and-pride-flagI was honored to be asked to part of a panel for the Pentagon Pride event recently. As part of the recognition of cultural diversity, the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community in the Pentagon comes together to speak about what it means to be gay and to work for, or be in, the military.

I was there as the parent of a gay service member; one who loves her child and, who, before the recent changes to Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act, worried about her as well.

Her father and I always supported her. We always loved her and welcomed her partner (now wife) into our family with open arms. It broke my heart to listen to one couple on the panel, living the military life with children, who did not have the love and support of other family members.

I listened to the other panel members talk about their experiences as they came out to co-workers and military comrades. For the most part, those folks were welcomed in their military communities, and were gifted with extraordinary kindnesses. I heard them talk about experiences so similar to my family’s as we raised our military kids. Volunteering as a family, experiencing moves, doing all the things families (especially military families) do.

But now they can do them in the open and not worry about adverse impacts on careers.

The most wonderful aspect of the whole panel? How ordinary the lives of these newly minted, and newly recognized, military families seemed to be, and how easily they had been assimilated in the short two years since the repeal of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell.

I see that in the life of my daughter and her wife. No drama, just everyday life. Work, play, TDYs, caring for their canine child, keeping up their new home…living the military dream.

There are many organizations that members of the military’s LGBT community have created to support their families, and to work to overcome the obstacles that still exist, like recognition of gay marriage by individual states. Dear to my heart is the Military Partners and Families Coalition, who reached out to our Association the day before the repeal of Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell, looking for support for their families. We are a proud member of their coalition.

The American Military Partner Association invited our Association to be sponsors of their first-ever military gala, which we gladly accepted.

And, I can’t forget to salute Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) – the original parent support group for the parents of LGBT children. Their original support book for parents has been replaced by specifically targeted booklets and brochures, but the message is still the same – loving and supporting your children.

And isn’t that what it’s all about?

Are you a parent of a gay service member? What ways do you support them?

kathyPosted by Kathy Moakler, Government Relations Director

 

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