Monthly Archives: May 2013

Military Spouse Motto: “I’ll see you when I see you!”

Military spouse motto: I'll see you when I see you!There are many things to get used to when you are introduced to the military. There is the “hurry up and wait,” the “probably won’t call you for a week,” the “it’s out of my control,” and my favorite—“you will see me when you see me.” Let it be known that my husband and I appreciate food on our table. Matt is honored to be a part of the Coast Guard and I am right there with him. However, I would be lying if I said everything ran smoothly all the time. In fact, just writing that statement made my nose grow.

Us support spouses learn from the beginning that we need to remain calm and flexible when making schedules for the family, fun, and travel. I had a very hard time learning this concept. Matt would tell me that he would be home one day and by the next day, he would find out he wouldn’t be coming back for another two days. Or the ship was due to pull in at 10 am and then didn’t show up until 6 pm. Or we’re set to go on week-long vacation and he is kept back two days for inspections so our little trip is delayed. I have been told before that he will be home a week early just to see him a week after his arrival date. So, I decided to stop asking.

Matt thinks it is a control thing with me. But, I am willing to bet that other spouses would like a definite answer on when their husbands or wives are coming home. It is about planning and the excitement of seeing one another again. We get our hopes up at the prospect of meeting them at the dock and our first embrace since they left the house. From the moment our spouses leave, we are counting the seconds until they are home. It would just be nice to know when they are actually coming home.

So, after many disappointments, I learned that I will see my spouse when I see him. My advice is to stop looking at the clock. Try to keep busy. If you are anxious and bored, that is your issue, not your spouse’s. Too many times I see people get angry with their spouse about scheduling and arrivals. It isn’t worth it to be mad at someone who has no control over the situation either. We confuse excitement with anger and then the arrival is ruined. Learn to accept the choice we made to marry into the military and know that this is how it is. It’s our way of life and we’re stronger because of it.

Posted by Rebecca Brinkley, Volunteer with the National Military Family Association. A version of this post originally appeared on Rebecca’s blog I Know It’s Tough.

Moving OCONUS: What do I pack in unaccompanied baggage?

Moving OCONUS and unaccompanied baggageIf you’ve received orders OCONUS, you will generally receive a small weight allowance of items that will be sent via expedited methods to your new duty station. These are items to help you set up house until the rest of your household goods arrive via slow boat. 

For me, it was a lot of pressure to pack exactly the right things and stay within our weight allowance. My family needed extra clothes for the changing seasons and the baby that outgrew her wardrobes every couple of months. The kids needed toys and familiar items to make the empty new house feel like home. I needed household items so we weren’t eating out every day or running to the PX all the time to buy things we couldn’t live without. 

Here’s my list of items I packed in our unaccompanied baggage from our most recent OCONUS PCS. Use this list as a guide to come up with one specific to your family’s needs.

For Each Adult

  • Extra clothes/clothes for the next season
  • Winter jackets/hat/gloves/scarves/boots
  • Extra shoes
  • Bicycle/helmet (check size limitations with Transportation)
  • Books
  • DVDs
  • Hobby/entertainment items

For Each Child

  • Extra clothes/clothes for next season/clothes in next size
  • Winter jacket/hat/gloves/scarves
  • Extra shoes
  • Favorite toys
  • Favorite blanket
  • Favorite picture/room decoration/stick-on wall decals
  • Outdoor play items: soccer ball, baseball equipment, etc.
  • Bicycle/helmet (check size limitations with Transportation)
  • Favorite Books
  • Favorite DVDs

Military Gear

  • Uniforms
  • Boots
  • PTs
  • Running shoes
  • Dress uniform
  • Dress shoes
  • Ruck/duffel
  • Specialized gear/field gear

Baby Gear

  • Pack ‘n Play or portacrib
  • Sheets/waterproof pad for Pack ‘n Play
  • Extra blankets
  • Portable booster seat
  • Sippy cups, snack cup
  • Stroller or baby carrier
  • Portable baby seat, bouncer, swing, etc.

 Household Items

  • Laundry basket
  • Hangers
  • Mini ironing board
  • Mop/bucket
  • Broom/dust pan
  • Folding camp chairs
  • Bath rugs
  • Small area rug (foldable)

Linens

  • Twin sheet set, blanket, pillow for each child
  • Queen sheet set, blanket, pillow
  • Towel set for each person
  • Shower curtain, curtain rings
  • Dish towels, sponge

Kitchen Items

  • Plates, bowls, cups, coffee mugs, silverware for each person
  • Chef’s knife, paring knife, spatula, serving spoon
  • Can opener, wine/bottle opener
  • Mixing bowl, colander
  • Skillet, sauce pan
  • Casserole dish, cookie sheet
  • Kitchen spices

Toolkit

  • Hammer
  • Tape Measure
  • Level
  • Screw drivers
  • Hex wrenches
  • Pliers
  • Utility knife
  • Markers
  • Baby-proofing items
  • Drill

Other
These items are not necessities for me but if you have space, they might be useful! You may also be able to find some of these easily in thrift stores at your new destination. (Especially electronics in the local voltage!)

  • Small television (about 19” due to space limitations)
  • DVD player
  • Fans
  • Coffee pot
  • Toddler or twin air mattress for each child
  • Queen air mattress

That’s my list! Any OCONUS PCSing pros have other tips on what to pack in unaccompanied baggage to ease your family’s transition?

Posted by Jennifer Herbek, Volunteer with the National Military Family Association

Families Outdoors: Reducing stress on kids and your wallet!

Families outdoors: reducing stress on kids and your wallet!I recently stumbled upon a New York Times blog post that discussed how a simple walk in the park could reduce brain fatigue. You know, that feeling of being disjointed or mentally drained. The post got me thinking; if a walk in the park could provide a simple brain refresher; just imagine what a week of camp or a weekend retreat could do!

At Operation Purple® camps and retreats we embrace the healing powers of the outdoors and thrust kids and families into beautiful environments to do just that – reboot. Life is already busy and chaotic so overlapping it with a military lifestyle just seems to be more than any one person should be able to handle. Giving these families a week or weekend away and “unplugged” makes perfect sense.

Our intent is to energize families to try new activities and create memories with the hope that they recreate these stress-reducing moments once they go home. I often reflect on activities my family did for fun that were actually my mom’s way of turning our heads. As a financially stretched military family, expensive vacations or entertainment activities were out of our reach. So our industrious mother chose instead to use night hikes through the neighborhood instead of using what little gas was in the car to pick up little brother from the sitter. Mom-instructed, kid-friendly gardening, was an excuse to get dirty while reducing our grocery budget. Creating our own flour dough in the backyard meant mom never had to consider whether she could afford our request to “have purple, blue, AND pink” play dough.

My mom had no clue her homemade distractions were “reducing brain fatigue”—she just knew doing things outdoors cost her less financially and emotionally. Performing simple outdoor activities provided hours of harmony in our home. So, here are a few of my favorite memories that stemmed simply from a military mom giving her kids some fun in the sun on a tight budget:

  • Have a picnic. We often packed our favorite books, a few blankets, and a simple meal before venturing to a local park or outdoor space. As a kid it was an adventure to eat on the grass after collecting my share of grass stains. For mom, it was a cost effective alternative to my never-ending McDonald’s plea. To this day I love to rejuvenate by sitting on an expanse of grass with a PB&J in hand.
  • Fly a kite. I know this sounds very Mary Poppins, but putting a kite in my hands as a child created an obsession that couldn’t be stopped. I tried it once and was hooked. I quickly gave up my precious Nintendo and found myself running up and down the neighborhood just to see the streamers fly. I’m cringing at how that dates me, but the scenario of being tied to the TV by an electronic game system still rings true for most kids today. My mom’s ploy to avoid purchasing yet another video game created an adult city dweller that now religiously rings in spring by participating in the annual kite-flying extravaganza on the National Mall.
  • Set up a scavenger hunt. Nothing turned sibling rivalry around quite like a friendly competition. Organizing a scavenger hunt that resulted in a team sweet treat to enjoy while basking in the sunshine was a win-win for mom. She got hours of quiet while we feverishly hunted to find every clue outside. The inevitable family nap that happened post-scavenger hunt was a bonus. I honed my trivia skills on a monthly basis while out in the sun.

Spring is here, with summer close on its heels—don’t wait to get kids outside! How will you reduce stress on your kiddos’ brains, and your wallet? What fun new memories will you create that your kids can use when they are adults?

dustinPosted by Dustin Weiss, Youth Initiatives Deputy Director

Big Brothers Big Sisters: An Extended Family for Military Children

An Extended Family for Military ChildrenIt’s a busy school day. Children of different ages are running around the house, loudly voicing their wants. The mother tries to ensure everything is on schedule and the kids are taken care of. This might sound like another day in the life of super moms everywhere, but for military children, having a parent deployed can be a hectic time.

“It’s hard to be a working mother, or even a stay-at-home mother, with four children plus dad gone,” says Danielle Woodring, a military spouse stationed at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, Florida. Danielle has chosen to enroll her two younger daughters, Ilyana and Kiera, in the federally funded Big Brothers Big Sisters Military Mentoring Program. The program is free of charge and specially designed for military families. The goal is to give military children another trusted adult who can provide guidance. “It gives them time away from all the chaos at home,” Danielle explains.

Ilyana and Kiera, called “Littles” under the program, are paired with two “Bigs,” or volunteer mentors. These Littles are among the 800 military kids who benefit from the program nationwide. The Bigs are carefully screened, trained, and matched with their Littles according to their interests. The Bigs dedicate a few hours a month to their Littles, engaging in various low-cost fun activities and programs. To qualify for the military mentoring program, children need to have one parent in an active duty status. All children of the fallen (in the line of duty) are eligible. To become a Big, volunteers must have a desire to help children and successfully pass the screening process.

“The power of Big Brothers Big Sisters is the premier one-to-one mentoring organization,” says Rodney Davis, National Director of Military Mentoring for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. Both the Bigs and Littles are carefully interviewed in order to find common likes and dislikes, guaranteeing a better match. The Big Brothers Big Sisters Military Mentoring program supports children in military families and engages active duty, reserve or retired/separated military personnel, as well as civilians as volunteer mentors. There are approximately 2,600 active duty service members volunteering as Bigs nationwide. With a minimum commitment of one year, some of the service members also maintain the relationship while deployed.

For Kiera’s Big Sister, Kaylene Hasto, the mentoring program has been a new and exiting volunteer opportunity. She looks forward to spending time with her Little and appreciates her outgoing personality. Kaylene encourages future volunteers to make sure they have the time for their Little. “They depend on you and they are really excited to see you, make sure you are committed to them,” Kaylene says.

Military kids enrolled in the program have a chance to take part in diverse activities and look up to their Bigs. Little Ilyana describes her Big Sister as “fun, caring, hard-working, and good with kids.” She is excited her Big Sister is in the military, likes Hello Kitty, and takes her to the library. Little Ilyana is very enthusiastic about the time spent with her Big Sister. “We actually get to build our relationship and have fun,” she says. Kiera’s Big Sister takes her to Big Brother Big Sister picnics and the gym. Little Kiera describes her Big Sister as a great planner who likes to help people. “She helps me if I have a problem and she’s someone to talk to,” Kiera says.

Danielle believes the program has really made a difference in the life of her family. She is relieved that she has a helping hand she can trust. She feels that taking part in the program helps ease the pain of having their father deployed for another year. In the future, she hopes this experience will encourage her daughters to become Big Sisters as well.

For more information on volunteering or enrolling your child, visit Big Brothers Big Sisters of America at www.bbbs.org or learn about the Military Mentoring Program.

Marlis Perez RiveraPosted by Marlis Perez Rivera, Volunteer with the National Military Family Association


Photo courtesy of the Woodring family